How would you describe your work as a picture? This is an interesting way to explain what you do with really simple language, removing all of the jargon! Watch this video to learn more and let me know what your picture would be in the comments!
Ever met an ‘opinionated person’? We all have opinions and pretty good ones at that! The question is not whether we are right but rather are we being useful.
Rudolph Dreikurs, the famous Chicago psychiatrist, advocated having the ‘courage to be imperfect’ as an antidote to our superiority of personal opinion among other things.
If you can’t help but give your opinion, start with a brief summary that encompasses the issue using the words of others, especially the words of those 180 degrees different than you.
“It seems to me that Dr. Shaw feels the anesthesia group is being systematically excluded from the decisions of the board…and I wonder if this inclusion could begin to be accomplished with an outside facilitator rather than at this meeting right now.” This might be a better response than, “I disagree that we have to do this at this meeting.”
Anytime you begin with “I disagree..." "Are you serious..." "Are you kidding me..." be very, very careful. Each of those statements activates the amygdala and you will be in for a fight, a flight, or a freeze…not a “We can figure this out together.”
Let's talk about my new favorite term: "Light touch". It's really helpful in many situations. Watch this video to learn more...
Last week a member of a meeting mentioned the following about a physician that was not present, “He’s a really good surgeon, but…” Immediately a nurse spoke up with, “If you have to put a ‘but’ after his name…he’s not that good!” Awkward silence began!
Do you know some terrific people who have those three silent letters, ‘but’… after their name? True or not, deserved or not, even perfectly descriptive or not, that ‘but’ after their name not only hurts them, it hurts you: how you interact with them, speak about them, and judge them. Our presence is fully dependent on how we enhance the other’s presence.
If instead we add three letters, ‘AND’, after their name then the fullness of the life of the person, despite their flaws, enriches us with full presence.
Listen to how the word ‘but’ is used with people and ideas at meetings and how disconnective it can be. Do you have any examples you can share?
Audiences can either READ or LISTEN…not both at the same time. Think about this when designing your presentation slides. Watch this video to learn more…
Nido Qubein, President of High Point University, taught me the value of distinction. He made us think: do we want to be successful or significant? Creative or innovative? Focus on a ‘to do’ list or a ‘to be’ list?
I studied with him for over a decade (and about a decade ago!) and I still remember this pairing of words and concepts to help clarify intention, goals, and a deeper understanding of the human spirit. For example, ask yourself “Is this person angry or fearful?” or “Is this person hopeless or discouraged?” The wisdom I learned from him was not about binary thinking but about seeing the other side.
By being the 'word crafter' at your meetings you can help to both broaden and focus the discussion. Can you think of a time when this might have been useful for you?
Pay attention to the ‘outlier’ evaluations from your presentations. They come up with some of the most interesting ideas! Watch this video to learn more…
I notice that physicians are known and introduced by their name and their specialty and…that’s it! It is as if they are a “noun” defined by a name and a thing…their specialty.
Of course, depending on the specialty this can come with a raft of judgments. Surgeon? We all know what they are like, right! Hospice? They are so nice!
But what if we help this definition-by-noun/title with a metaphorical verb/adverb after their name and specialty. “Dr. Hicks is our neurosurgeon and also a Boston marathoner and she is certainly that too, in the OR and at the bedside…she never gives up." Doesn’t this round out her identity better!
It doesn't just apply to physicians. Think about the last time you made an introduction. How did it go? How could you have improved?
Enhance their presence and you will enhance yours as well!
“The only way to teach responsibility is to give it.” Remember this next time you are presenting. Don’t give your audience all the answers, let them do some of their own work. Watch this video to learn more and let me know what you think…
Give your audience REAL content. Something tangible that they can take away and put into action. Watch this video to learn more….
Have you ever tried to praise your child or your employee, only it seemed to flop on delivery? “You are great…smart…perfect…amazing…etc.” You may have had the response, “Oh no I’m not…Joe Bloggs is much better than I am…kind of you to say, but…”
If you tell me I am 'something' and I don’t think I am, I mentally cancel you out. When you compare me favorably to others and I know they are more capable, I cancel you out. And if you do it publicly, I really cancel you out either because I am embarrassed or because I am silently thinking, “It’s about time you noticed me, dude!”
However, what if you commented on my progress, effort, or even our relationship?
“I noticed the work you put into this report and it really shows.”
Or “I appreciated when you spoke up at the Board meeting to set the record straight. It took courage and it paid off for our team. Thank you.”
Or “I noticed your touch on the patient’s back and how his entire face relaxed when you did so. I saw your special magic happen. Thank you.”
This is called the Skill of Encouragement which always begins with “I” then some form of appreciation or personal noticing. It is always delivered as only YOUR appreciation for what YOU noticed with a bit of wonderment attached.
My experience with the skill is that it is “sticky”…it persists in their memory. Who are you going to practise this skill with today?
Top presentation tip - use an interesting image in your first slide, and let discussion (or even the objectives of the presentation) come from it! Watch this video to learn more...
Remember your last interview for a job? Despite a really fine resume and plenty of experience, the interviewers seemed difficult and hard to impress? When I prepare physicians for their interviews, I suggest that they speak to their capabilities, not only to their experiences.
So, an “experience” answer might sound like this, “Yes, I have worked to construct 12 ambulatory units for my system.” That is nice but interviewers know that their system is different! Internally they are thinking, “Yes, she may have built them there, but we have different issues here.”
A better answer would be, “Yes, I have worked to construct 12 ambulatory units for my system…and what I learned when I did that was the executive capability not only of consensus building but of a community feeling among the team to unify our efforts and each persons’ unique capability.” This answer will lead to a deeper question, which will enhance your expertise as being like them, their culture, their unique situation. The inner voice then of the interviewer is, “They have what we need…they could solve our problem.”
Never end the answer with what you did; always with what you learned.
Loud, angry, sarcastic, frustrated, anxious and a few hundred other very descriptive words for our emotions might be how we feel but not how we want to come across. If you intimidate then ‘who you are’ will spread like wildfire throughout the organization. You won’t be seen as correct but as a bully - weak, self-centered, and alone. Feel the emotion of course, identify it for sure, but if you put it out first and loud, you’ll scare off even your most loyal supporter.
Emotions are the gas in our tank - they provide the fuel to move us. However, they do not belong at the steering wheel. You may be attracted to many different people for many different reasons, but you marry only one after a good deal of thoughtful decision making (hopefully!) The sweet smell of chocolate cookies arouses even the strongest of us, but how many go into your mouth is decided at the steering wheel not the gas tank.
Monitor your emotions before you put them on public display, or reply to the email, or take to social media! A good rule of thumb is “Given how I feel and how strongly I feel about this, what is the best way for me to communicate so that others will receive it with respect and perhaps change?”
Jump right in to your presentation content! Normally that means cutting out your first 10%. Watch this video to learn more!
Sometimes the CEO or someone of a higher rank than your boss, might want a moment with you, alone, without HR! Perhaps it was something that provoked their interest in you, or a casual elevator “Let’s get together sometime” (that you wisely followed up on!) Perhaps you want to set them straight on a few things that are happening, or create a strong impression of yourself. Completely understandable… just, don’t!
On paper we would never do any of those things, but ask anyone in power and you will repeatedly hear the same mistakes we make when given time with them. Instead, make yourself known by listening, aligning, and asking questions that allow them to give you advice.
One CEO said to me, “My door is always open to everyone, and I’ll give them about two minutes to help me understand why I should give them two more!” He wasn’t the most popular person but he was clear! Consider finding ways to say things through your actions, your patience, your kindness, your listening…and then in an informed and intentional way, say your piece not because it ‘needs to be said’ but because it needs to be received.
It’s all about confidence! In your own ability, your own expertise, your own decision making. Equally it's important to help others build their own confidence. Watch this video to learn more…
What do you do well? What are you really, really good at? Go beyond your resume or curriculum vitae. Even go beyond your surgical skills, or your ability with finance or law. Ask yourself the question “What would they say at my funeral?”
One of my grammar school classmates just died and he did such a remarkable thing: he wrote his own obituary! “If you are reading this then what I said a lot ‘With birth, comes death, everything in between is the adventure’ must apply to me at this moment. An obituary is usually dry and stuffy, but my adventure in life was very much the opposite of the norm. I would like to share some things with you…” He went on to detail quite a life of service and adventure and gratefulness. It ended with “I did it my way, as always.” He told us what he did and what he did well…and who he was. Reading the many entries to the ‘tribute wall’ posted by the funeral home was just as remarkable, with detailed thoughts, experiences and emotions that this man engendered in others. A significant life for sure.
Reflect on this and think about your significance instead of only your material success.
Good routine is key! I was reminded of this recently when John G. Blumberg, CSP told me that every day, he contacts three people, just to connect with them. And he is hugely successful! Watch this video to learn more…
When my colleague, Char Wenc taught at Loyola University Chicago she always advised her students to “Be Present and Have Presence” and ensured that they knew those were two very different things.
“Were you at the meeting last week?”
“I was sitting right next to you!”
“Well, you didn’t say anything!”
Prepare for presence. YOUR presence. What are the three things you want to make sure you say in the meeting regardless of the discussion? What is the essential message of the meeting content that you want others to know? What questions do you need to ask in order to help move things forward? This is particularly important if you are angry, hurt, or resentful…what are you not going to say?
Go further by helping to clarify the messages in the discussion with paraphrasing. Add in some empathy too! Wait and summarize. Let a moment of silence linger a bit, let it hang in the air. For in-person meetings, sit in a different chair each time, even next to the boss sometimes. Position yourself to see everyone else. If you are running the meeting use a circle of chairs – it cuts down on others doing their emails, enlivens active discussion, and keeps people awake. No need to be a chatterbox; just don’t be on ‘mute’ throughout.