Have you ever tried to praise your child or your employee, only it seemed to flop on delivery? “You are great…smart…perfect…amazing…etc.” You may have had the response, “Oh no I’m not…Joe Bloggs is much better than I am…kind of you to say, but…”
If you tell me I am 'something' and I don’t think I am, I mentally cancel you out. When you compare me favorably to others and I know they are more capable, I cancel you out. And if you do it publicly, I really cancel you out either because I am embarrassed or because I am silently thinking, “It’s about time you noticed me, dude!”
However, what if you commented on my progress, effort, or even our relationship?
“I noticed the work you put into this report and it really shows.”
Or “I appreciated when you spoke up at the Board meeting to set the record straight. It took courage and it paid off for our team. Thank you.”
Or “I noticed your touch on the patient’s back and how his entire face relaxed when you did so. I saw your special magic happen. Thank you.”
This is called the Skill of Encouragement which always begins with “I” then some form of appreciation or personal noticing. It is always delivered as only YOUR appreciation for what YOU noticed with a bit of wonderment attached.
My experience with the skill is that it is “sticky”…it persists in their memory. Who are you going to practise this skill with today?