Pause. Wait. Focus

When the other person invades your amygdala with a word that seems accusatory, negative or combative many of us are more than ready to react. Often, we show it nonverbally and then accept the challenge as we enter the battlefield of verbal combat, competition, and opinion. Like little leaguers putting one hand over the others going up the bat to see who goes first we can easily and understandably (and immediately!) swing into action.

Here is an alternative approach: Pause. Wait. Focus. Then paraphrase. As hard as it might be, respond back to the person in your language with what they said, and make sure there’s no attitude in it. Don’t mirror them exactly, create your own restatement then look for an affirmative head nod, agreeing eyes, or a lessened fury. Sometimes it helps to use one or two of their words interspersed with your understanding as this helps them hear what they said, “Jerk, idiot, etc” It's often clearly painful for them.

The goal is to get the head nod. This is also your secret weapon against yourself. We have a plaque in our kitchen that reads “Lord put your hand on my shoulder and the other one over my mouth!” Pause, paraphrase, and then respond with “I have a slightly different take on that…would you like to hear it?” Then….PAUSE!

Your job is to engage the audience

“Your job is not to please the audience; your job is to engage the audience. And it is in the engagement that then they will be pleased.”

Nora Dunn from Saturday Night Live said this in one of my classes and it has stuck with me ever since. So often in this business, we sit down and think we have to talk. Or our physician might open with something to the effect of, “What have you got for me today?” Make sure you switch it around to get them talking, to engage them: “Any interesting patients this past month?” or “First let me ask what would make our time together successful for you?” (This is a standard coaching question so that you can get right to the need and set up a goal for the meeting.)

At the end of the meeting, you can then say, “What was most useful about our talk for you today?” This too is a coaching question to put a cap on the session and mark progress. Just ask the question and go quiet to give them time to both think and feel it is their turn to talk. The mistake many make – even professional interviewers – is out of nervousness, anxiety, or a desire to show what we know; we add possible answers to our questions, “Was it good?” or “You know I mean this past 20 minutes.” Doing so doesn’t allow the person to find their own answers because they are busy listening to yours.

Planning your next steps

Taking time to reflect and plan your next steps is essential for meaningful growth. Watch this video to learn more…

“The first time I meet them I know nothing."

“The first time I meet them I know nothing.” A sales friend of mine said this was the key to his success! And he was affectionately known as the guy you go to for help. I probed, of course, and he said that although many of his clients old and new have the same issues, “I always treat them with curiosity and openness as if they were the only one or the first one. I alert my whole self to them, to their pain, to their need to say it all to me. And I do alert myself he said or otherwise I’d be a generic visitor to their pain.” How do you approach that “first visit” (and perhaps subsequent ones as well)? When we put ourselves first as the receiver of what is top of mind for the KOL (or anyone), we are in a better position to provide what they really want from us.

Be audience focused

I am continually amazed by presentation after presentation where the opening lines are about the presenter and not the audience. Are you guilty of ever starting with any of the following?

·        “You probably want to know a bit about me…”
·        “I am blah blah and I studied at blah blah and blah blah blah…”
·        “Before we get the meat of today I want to thank…”
·        “Before I get to the report you’ve been waiting for, you have to understand…”
·        And of course, the infamous, “How’s everyone doing this morning?” (followed by “I can’t hear you!”)

While the audience will be patient with you nonverbally (we’ve been taught to sit and listen politely!) they will also mark you as ordinary, expected, and frankly, wasting their time.

Dale Carnegie’s famous admonition, “Tell them what you are going to tell them, then tell them, then tell them what you told them” still works today for the soul reason - it is audience focused. Our nervousness, our ego, our desire to please or our wish to look good unfortunately puts the focus on us instead of those who came to hear us. The hard truth is that the audience don’t really care about you. No matter how important you are, the audience has one pivotal question in their minds “Can you help me solve my problem; can you improve my condition.” Start there and you will see and maybe even hear your audience say, “Whew! Yes!”

Choosing a presentation for your next MSL interview

I am often asked my perspective on what topic a candidate should choose for their interview presentation, whether that is a student interviewing for a fellowship or an aspiring MSL looking for their first industry role. My advice is to pick a scientific topic on which they are familiar and confident.

Most of the time I suggest they stray away from a company publication (unless the company provides it) and instead focus on one from a competitor that is relevant to the audience.

Interestingly, a student pursuing a fellowship told me that they were told to pick any topic that reflects their interests, and it didn’t need to be about science. While this might be a clever way to get to know a candidate, I’m not sure a presentation on the optimal kayak stroke or brewing an IPA is the best reflection on the candidacy for a fellowship.

The ideal situation is for the company to provide a publication as that offers room for comparison across candidates, saves the interviewee time searching for a topic, and has the candidate learning a topic relevant to the job for which they are interviewing. A win-win-win in my perspective. Since the audience are experts on the study, they need to be cautious about expecting too much from the candidate but no doubt they are aware.

What advice do you provide to students/candidates on the topic to choose for an interview presentation?

Truly listening to the customer

I was recently reminded how crucial it is to truly listen to the customer and focus on answering their questions—without offering unsolicited advice. Watch this video to learn why understanding your audience is the key to building trust and delivering real value.

Your S-curve journey

Would you agree that you’re a little slower as you learn something new? That can be frustrating for a highly functioning person. Imagine getting permission and space to be a little slower as you grow a new area of expertise. Would that relieve the stress associated with learning, especially when working in a high-pressure environment in which that new skill will provide long-term value?

Welcome to the concept of the “S-curve”! Charles Handy first introduced this concept as the “sigmoid” curve in the 90’s as an organizational and individual growth module for life cycle thinking. Whitney Johnson described the application of the S-curve in her 2012 Harvard Business Review article “Throw Your Life a Curve” in the learning and development space as a powerful tool used to support the development of new competencies.

From the slow beginnings of learning, we gradually accelerate our learning trajectory and then plateau as we are comfortable with this new skill and execute it with confidence. See the “S” shape forming?

When you’ve identified a new skill that you need to develop, talk with leadership about the space and time you need to journey from the tail of the S-curve, through the middle, to the plateau where you have achieved mastery (and need to start a new S-curve).

Personal connections

Watch this video to explore the importance of personal connection and how it can make all the difference.

Having a growth mindset

A growth mindset allows you to add the word “yet” after acknowledging that you don’t know how to do something or if you are still developing skills in an area.

In her book “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success,” Carol Dweck, PhD outlines the concept of growth and fixed mindsets. If you have a fixed mindset about something, you may avoid new challenges, focus on failures, and believe that you cannot broaden your talent. Doesn’t that feel stifling Having a growth mindset allows you to look at challenges as opportunities, failures as a learning experience from which you can grow, and understand you can develop new skills.

Perhaps you want to play the piano but have not done so as you feel it is daunting and that you had tried in the past without success. Approaching this now, you might say “I can’t play the piano yet,” acknowledging that you can and will develop that skill.

She provides examples of celebrities that demonstrate these mindsets (Oprah Winfrey, Michael Jordan, John McEnroe to name a few) and I’ll let you guess which category these individuals personify. She describes herself as a person who evolved from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset!

It’s such a liberating feeling to know that you don’t need to be great at everything and that it’s OK to be in the development phase of a new skill. What is it that want to develop and can’t do YET?

“What do you most remember about them"

My eldest sister passed away peacefully Jan 1st after a short and welcomed hospice stay. She was ready. I received the usual heartfelt condolences, a welcomed hug, an “I’m so sorry” and a few “How old was she?” as well as a few stories of a death related to them. A seat mate on the plane said, “Wow that’s old!” Later he sought me out in baggage claim and wished me an “successful funeral!” We both chucked over that one. Everyone did their best.

I’m Irish and so death is not as much a fear for us as a celebration of the life lived …we have a long tradition of Irish wakes…my father often prayed for a ‘Happy Death’…he got one with minstrels playing at his bedside.

After a few responses that I received I thought more about how to handle these sudden and sometimes awkward moments. What do I say? On social media of course a short condolence is a welcomed connection. But what about those times when you are in person or at the wake? What is a useful way to respond to your clients and friends, even to yourself, when the ultimate that we all have in common happens our way.

One response I use and being on the receiving end now I find comforting when time permits is “What do you most remember about her?” or words to that effect. This takes the nervousness out of things for us and begins a memory-making sharing for the one who is hurting. Through our question they get to bring alive the memory and share it. No need then for any awkward or cliche comments…just a moment of intimacy. And perhaps even a “successful funeral”!

Your favorite book on networking

We all recognize that networking is important, and it may be daunting, especially if you are out of practice. The pandemic has an impact on our networking skills and has offered us an opportunity to develop our skills in diverse ways. How did you develop your skills? What ideas can you offer individuals who are less comfortable networking?

What networking book do you recommend and is there a tip in that book you found to be of particular value? How does networking differ depending on where you’re at in your career? How may it be different if you change direction in your career?

Let’s use our experience to develop a list of books to expand our skills and foster our growth in this key area.

Your secret sauce is...

A final idea for the year, and it's a quick one...so yes you do have time to do it! Send an email to each of your KOLs telling them their ‘secret sauce' - their unique talent that you noticed this year. It might be their engaging ways, their devotion to their patients, what they have taught you, their courage, their amazing human relations skills, etc. Put it in the subject line so it won’t be passed over as a typical holiday greeting. Perhaps in the Subject Line: “Dr. Canady your ‘secret sauce’ is….” And then tell them what you have noticed in the body of the email. Do not fear doing this! Everyone, even your most reticent, inward KOL will be most pleased with this friendly feedback. (Trust us on this…we are trained professionals!)

Coaching your boss

Sometimes you need to coach your boss (or your partner!), especially when feedback is involved! Watch this video to learn more...

Show appreciation

How do you show appreciation? I was recently reminded of the impact of truly expressing gratitude—it goes a long way!

Watch this video to learn more about meaningful appreciation.

Setting a goal and moving it forwards, one step at a time

With New Years around the corner, you may be thinking about your goals for 2025. When you set goals, do you achieve them? Perhaps you accomplish your work goals but let your personal goals sit on the back burner. Does this sound familiar?

You are more likely to accomplish your goals if they are heartfelt and if you can visualize what success looks like. Are you passionate about your goal? If so, it is easier to put the necessary time and effort into succeeding. Eat the elephant one bite at a time… Break the goal into manageable pieces and timeframes. What can you do today to begin moving forward? What can you do tomorrow? This week? Imagine how good it will feel to take one, two, three steps toward your goal, no matter how small they are. This is how you gain momentum to reach your goal.

What personal goal do you want to accomplish? What step forward will you take today?

Technology-free zones

Technology-free zones can transform your interactions! Watch this video to learn more...

Filling our plates

As we approach the holidays, we will have the opportunity to indulge. We will see our favorite foods, new foods, foods we haven’t had since childhood, and food we swore we’d never eat again. In some situations, we will have the opportunity to fill our plates and go back for more. For me, this reflects life. We have so many opportunities in front of us, and all outcomes depend on which ones will we add to our plate.

I was speaking with a student the other day that has a full plate with all the things you’d expect: school, work, extracurricular activities, family, and a personal life. He was struggling to deliver on his responsibilities and felt bad that he hadn’t met the goals he had committed to. No one feels good about overpromising and underdelivering. Why do we over commit ourselves? Is it related to beefing up our resume? Is it a feeling that we’re the only person that can do the job? Are we shopping for new experiences to add to our collection? Are we unaware of how time consuming these commitments will be?

When you have an opportunity to fill your plate, do you leave room or fill it to the brim? Does your method work? Is so, what is your secret? My secret for this holiday season and new year is to leave room around the edges for that opportunity (or dessert) I wasn’t anticipating.

Is this slide truly necessary?

When creating your next PowerPoint slides, pause and ask yourself: Is this slide truly necessary? Sometimes, less is more when it comes to impactful presentations. Watch this video to learn more...

We're published in The MSL - Journal of the Medical Science Liaison Society!

Kimberly Cremers, PharmD and I are thrilled to share that our article, Skills to Use with Your KOLs Even When Not Networking, has been published in the latest issue of the The MSL - Journal of the Medical Science Liaison Society!

In this piece, we dive into the art of effective networking for Medical Science Liaisons and challenge the myth of the "Super MSL." Networking isn’t about being an extrovert—it’s about being intentional, genuine, and strategic.

Highlights from the article include:

✔️ Dressing to stand out and make an impression.
✔️ Active listening and crafting engaging conversational identity statements.
✔️ Building rapport by remembering personal details about your contacts.
✔️ Applying human relations skills—empathy, collaboration, and adaptability—to foster meaningful connections with Key Opinion Leaders (KOLs).

We explore how these skills can enhance your professional impact and create lasting relationships in healthcare.

Take a read and let us know your thoughts: https://lnkd.in/gf6qzW4T

Plus, we’d love to invite you to join our LinkedIn community group, where we share weekly tips to help you become an impactful MSL. Join here: https://lnkd.in/gtYXWB9i