Support or Solutions?

Two highly driven surgeons I know, both on their second marriage, made a simple agreement before difficult conversations:

They ask each other one question first: “Do you want support, or do you want solutions?”

In this short video, I connect this idea to leadership: When we’re intentional about our approach, in conversations or meetings, we create space for both support and problem-solving. It’s how teams become a community working together.

Take a minute to watch and reflect: What’s your intention when you walk into your next meeting?

Precise Opposite

At a recent psychology conference, I came across a technique from Wes Wingett and Calvin Armerding that can be used in counseling and coaching. While it’s typically for clients, I thought it might work for us as well, even without a therapist or coach.

It goes like this: let’s say I’m experiencing one of the negative emotions (sometimes called “compelling” emotions, since we feel compelled to do something about them). I’m angry, and I go through my day feeling that anger and wishing I weren’t. At that point, I ask myself this question: What is the precise opposite of “angry,” without using the word “angry”?

I might respond, “I’m at peace on this walk,” or “I helped resolve the situation with a bit of courage on my part,” or “I’m back in control of myself without being controlling,” and so on.

What this technique does is create a line from a “felt minus position” to a “perceived plus position.” The question then becomes focused on movement: how will I find peace, resolution, or control? Instead of being stuck in the anger, I’m moving forward toward a better place. It gives me something to do that aligns with that forward movement—which seems a lot better than being angry all day.

Do Your Meetings Feel Like a Classroom?

Leaders set the tone for how their teams think, contribute, and take ownership. I've noticed that too often in meetings it can feel like a 7th-grade classroom—precise, critical, and a little intimidating… where everyone hopes they’re not called on.

There’s a more effective way. 

In this short video, I share a simple leadership practice: start with intention, step back, and return to hear what your team accomplished. This allows teams to build ownership, confidence, and accountability.

Take a moment to watch the video and reflect: How are you shaping the tone of your meetings?

Lead With Excitement Not Nervousness

Early in your leadership journey, it’s easy to let nerves take over. But consider this: nervousness centers on you, excitement focuses on others.

Focus on the audience, the board, the people depending on your perspective. You were invited into that room because you have something of value to offer.

Take a minute to watch this short video, it might change how you walk into your next meeting.

Thank You Notes Can Document

At a recent medical meeting, an accepted approach was discussed for addressing difficult physician behavior—yelling, disrespect toward nurses, mistakes, or more serious concerns requiring “the talk.”

Often called a “coffee cup conversation,” it’s an informal, physician-to-physician discussion. For leaders, it’s a way to tee up the issue, hear the other side, express concern, and work toward a corrective path forward. It’s not the ethics committee, just a conversation over coffee. And it’s not confined to medicine alone; it’s a good way to open ongoing dialogue.

At the meeting, an attorney suggested documenting these conversations so that, if behavior continues, a record exists.

But how do you document a conversation over coffee?

His answer: with a thank you note.

Brilliant.

In it, you thank the person for showing up, for discussing key issues (____, ____, ____), and for agreeing on a way forward. Simple. Clear.

And now you have a record—firm, friendly, and available if needed for the next coffee…or the next ethics meeting.

How Leaders Transform Culture

Culture change doesn’t start in meetings. It starts in the hallway… in the eye contact you make… in the way you acknowledge people.

In this short video, I challenge leaders to rethink how to transform culture and the role they play in it every day. Take a look.

Staying Connected After You Become “the Boss”

When you step into leadership, you can go from “we” and “us” to “they” and “them” almost overnight. You can feel the shift and the disruption that comes with it.

In this video, I share a simple way to stay connected to your team and lead differently.

What is the Real Challenge For You Here?

Favorite coaching question:
What is the real challenge for you here?

It’s a deceptively simple question, and actually one with four-parts.
Emphasize a different word each time, and you’ll uncover a different answer:
- What is the REAL challenge for you here?
- What is the real CHALLENGE for you here?
- What is the real challenge FOR YOU here?
- What is the real challenge for you HERE?

Try it for yourself when your next dilemma presents itself. Which version gives you the clearest path forward to take that next right step?

I coach emerging leaders not only when they feel stuck, but also when they’re ready to grow and move up to that next level.

#LeadershipDevelopment #ExecutiveCoaching #EmergingLeaders #CoachingQuestions #GrowthMindset

Start Meetings Better: One Small Change That Works

Most meetings start with an agenda.

But most people show up wondering: What do I get out of this?

In this short reel, I share a simple shift that can completely change the dynamic of your meetings. Watch to learn how one small change can make your meetings more meaningful and effective.

Your First Mentor

Your first mentor—have you reached out lately?

Do they know the impact they had on you?

A teacher, a leader—you know who I’m talking about.

Give them a call.

In my work, I help team members build productive relationships with leaders who may be significantly older or younger than they are. Not through outdated “generational” stereotypes, but through practical, proven human relationship skills.

Real Human Skills

Leadership isn’t about doing it all, and it’s definitely not about getting everything perfect.

It’s about being effective where it really counts…through people.

In this short video, I discuss the shift clinicians should make to build and lead an effective team using real human skills.

Is it true that...?

I primarily teach physician leaders what they may not have learned in medical school—leadership, team dynamics, and executive presence.

When I meet them, I usually start by asking about their specialty and how they chose that path. When I meet a pediatrician, I ask a question I already know the answer to: “Is it true that children are not just little adults?”

With a 100% response rate, they all say yes, and then they go on to explain why, sharing stories about their patients, their families, and their experiences. Sometimes, they’ll even point out that the “patient” is actually the parent.

I do the same with nurses, whether active or retired: “Is it true that once a nurse, always a nurse?” The stories flow immediately.

I recently spoke with travel insurance underwriters. While I’m no expert in their field, all I had to ask was: “Did you go to school to become an underwriter?” Most of them laughed, and the stories began.

Be curious. Stay curious. Even when you think you know the answer, you don’t know the story.

That mindset is at the heart of my work. I teach physician and nurse leaders the things medical training often overlooks: executive presence, communicating with senior leaders, and leading teams made up of their former peers.

Trust Your Intuition

“Your gut is your second brain.” — Ellen Muellenberg, JD

At a recent gathering of Medical Staff Specialists (the often unheralded professionals who help safeguard patients from unqualified physicians), Ellen urged us to listen to that inner voice. Call it intuition, an inner expert, or simply a “hunch”...that quiet signal that something deserves a closer look.

How many troubling headlines might have been avoided if someone, perhaps you, had raised a hand and spoken up? If they had voiced that feeling of discomfort, that moment of doubt, that instinct that something wasn’t quite right?

Too often, nervousness, peer pressure, fear, or shyness silence this critical part of us, to the detriment of others…and sometimes, to tomorrow’s headlines.

I teach and coach emerging leaders to lead creatively, challenge the status quo, and move beyond the “same old, same old.”

The Quiet Mission That Matters

In this short video, I reflect on comparison, purpose, and the quiet impact we often overlook, like the adjunct professor who shapes lives without tenure. We all carry hopes that may never materialize, and others that surprise us. Both truths can coexist. Let’s honor the mission that’s uniquely ours.

End Your Contribution With a Period.

End your contribution with a period. When we are unsure or hesitant or nervous it is possible that we will end on the uptick, with a question mark. Consider the difference. How do each of these sentences land with you, “So I think that maybe we should think about a collaboration with them?”  or “I recommend that we take the time to discuss a collaboration with them.” Let your audience feel your expertise, your take on it, your recommendation. Period.

I teach team members how to productively interact with leaders who are significantly older or younger than they, not the typical ‘generational’ stereotyping method but one built on the skills of successful human relations.

Right?

Right? Have you heard this lately? Many of us reactively finish our sentences with “right”? Maybe we like to be agreed with! I wonder how these things come about. Years ago the word was ‘awesome’ that seemed to be used for any experience, relationship, or meeting….right? When you are presenting this can become a repeated word that the audience hears, and you don’t. This is the value of taping your presentations, so you can hear what they are hearing. And what may be driving them to distraction, distracted from your core message. If you do that it would really be awesome! Right?

I teach team members how to productively interact with leaders who are significantly older or younger than they, not the typical ‘generational’ stereotyping method but one built on the skills of successful human relationships.

Don't Miss Your Opportunity to Be Present

Ever walk past an exhibit table where the only thing moving is a scrolling phone screen?

I have. More times than I can count. And every time, I think the same thing: what a missed opportunity.

In this video, I share a simple shift that can change how people experience you at an event. How to be present, make the first move, know how to introduce yourself in a way that’s clear and memorable.

👇 Watch the video and let me know: what’s one small change you’ve made that made a big difference?

Why What and Who

A lot has been said about the “why” these days. Simon Sinek’s famous presentation and book, "Begin with Why", has received many mentions, and rightly so. It has been a great help to many of us and has made me think about the why’s cousins: what and who.

Maybe start with who. Who is your boss, customer, partner, or spouse? Who are they really? As Humphrey Bogart says to Ilsa in Casablanca while in Paris, “Who are you really? And where were you before? What did you do and what did you think?” She coyly demurs, and he concludes with the famous line, “Here’s looking at you, kid.”

That’s the movies, but how about you and your boss? Do you know where she came from? Where she really came from? Not just her last company, but her story. Do you know what medical school was like for her? Or what growing up on a farm was like? Or what moment brought her here?

In my experience, regardless of who this person is now before me, a few genuine questions can reveal a great deal, especially if you feel they are distant, not so nice, demanding, etc.

One surgeon said, “Our family is Asian. Success and perfection mean everything to us. I find it hard to lead a team without being like my parents. Excuses never existed in my family.”

Who do you need to know better?

And then comes the what. What is important to them? What does their boss want from them? What pressures are they under? What do I need to know that I don’t know, but should know?

I teach physician leaders what they were not taught in medical school: executive presence, presenting to executives, and leading teams of their former peers.

Gonna

I am in the company of many of my peers who are “Gonna write a book someday when I get a chance.”
Are you ‘gonna’ clean your garage or basement someday when you get a chance?
I was a ‘gonna’ and still am plenty of times.
So, I was giving this some thought and would appreciate your take on it too.

I wonder if ‘gonna’ translates into ‘could’…if I wanted to. In essence an excuse to not try, to possibly fail, to fall and not get up. I can, then, tell myself that I’m OK, perhaps superior, and certainly have all the good motives I know I have.

Like our kids who don’t do their homework: “I could do it, I just don’t want to.” And therefore, like me and a few others we are never put to the test hiding behind our ‘gonna.’

I teach physician leaders what they did not teach in medical school: executive presence, presenting to executives, and leading teams of their former peers.

Your Mysterious Boss

Your mysterious boss.
Distant? Cold? Calculating? Much older? Much younger?
What is going on here?

The only real way to understand this very important person in your work life is to actually engage with them. Most leaders won’t ignore a direct, sincere ask like:
“I’m looking for some mentoring; do you have time on your schedule?”

Go in with an aspiration you’re working toward or a challenge you’re navigating. Then gently explore how they got to where they are, not in an obvious or intrusive way, but in a way that connects to your conversation. There’s always a story inside them. I wonder what it is.

I teach team members how to productively interact with leaders who are significantly older or younger than they are, not the typical ‘generational’ stereotyping method but one built on the skills of successful human relations.