MAKE A DIFFERENCE TODAY!

Have to make a presentation today? So do I!

Working Today?

Keep your feet shoulder length apart, look at your audience, remember your nervousness is simply energy you can use for self (anxiety) or for the other (usefulness).

Family Time Today?

How will you decide to ‘present yourself’ tonight when you get home? Others are depending on your answer!

On Your Own Today?

Pay attention to how others present themselves to you today…their presence, their language, their attitude, and their demeanor…what other choices do you think they had?

PARAPHRASE!

Paraphrase! This skill can be the most difficult when properly used. Some mirror or parrot repeating exactly what the other said; some wait until the entire story is over before paraphrasing; others choose the famous “uhuh” “oh” or “wow” response or even a few well-timed grunts. Paraphrasing as a skill does none of these. It does engage early and often with the speaker cutting to the core of the message, not to the entire detailed contents of the message. Some see paraphrasing “early and often” as interrupting. Think of it as engaging instead. What works well with this more skilled approach of paraphrasing is the result; the speaker feels understood, the listener communicates understanding. Mirroring and parroting (saying exactly what was said) is often met with a kind of “I just said that!” response from the other. Effective skill-based paraphrasing on the other hand helps the speaker go deeper with more insight and perhaps with more to say than they intended. And make sure you paraphrase without questions. This can be difficult but remember questions are about us, paraphrasing is about them.

So, this week…paraphrase everywhere with everyone (can be dangerous at home by the way in these early stages especially if they read my posts!) and rigorously avoid questions.

MAKE A DIFFERENCE TODAY!

A month ago I was on a flight with a retired Basketball pro who put on his headphones and started singing his heart out with all the requisite moves in his seat. Annoyed at first I did the old reliable “Are you kidding me” side glance; secondly the “Look around for support glance” from my fellow seat mates; then thirdly I smiled to myself happy for him being happy. That worked much better.

Working Today?

· Have lunch near or with your most annoying co-worker. Maybe they're not as annoying as you first thought.

Family Time Today?

· Enjoy the annoyances of your dearest ones….just for today!

On Your Own Today?

Many years ago there was a book titled, “I’m OK-You're OK”…a psychologist friend said he wanted to write the book, “I’m not OK and You’re Not OK…but that’s OK!”

ATTEND!

Attend! In the day of the device have you ever been speaking with someone, and as they “listen” they are all the while watching their phone? Or face to face and you are the only one facing a face that is looking everywhere but at you? Or they are behind their desk reviewing emails while you wonder just how much is getting across? (One technique by the way is to stop talking…it will take a few long awkward moments for them to realize, and when they look up you have a few options: “Maybe this isn’t’ a good time.” Or “Better if we talk at another time?”) One of my clients told me that his approach was, “I do better at this when you are looking right at me. OK with you? Or we can do this at another time when you have more time?” (He is a bit direct, but it works for him.) Like intermittent fasting, intermittent silence can have an interesting effect!

Attending is not as easy as it sounds and it is becoming a bit rarer these days in some circles, especially as some of us venture back to F2F. It requires attention and intention in reverse order…intention first. With the skill of self-awareness perhaps even before the other two skills. Attending is not for the multi-tasker: it is a singular grace we give the other as they speak to us. We intend to look like we are listening and then we really do listen with attention.

Away from the politics of things, when I met Bill Clinton in the White House, I was certain that for our brief handshake I was the only person in his world. Then I realized the same thing happened with Mark Huffman at Northwestern in Chicago, Anita Halvorsen, FACHE at ACHE, and John Botsko, Jr. at BrightStar Care. They attended!

So, this week….pay attention to when you are paying attention.

MAKE A DIFFERENCE TODAY!

I met a woman this summer who blogs about blogging…and makes over $1,000,000 doing it! Another specializes in blogging about succulent plants and after her first year was making over $100,000. (She is even considering farming out the cactus part since she wants to specialize!) Yet another makes a healthy living, beyond anything her previous job paid her, by teaching parents how to photograph their children. Who knew!? Consider this for yourself today!

Working Today?

What can you teach TODAY? Who can you teach it to?

Family Time Today?

What is one thing that might be fun to do that will teach too? Do you have little kids? How about cooking a little something after you go shopping for it?

On Your Own Today?

The Jesuits I teach with at Loyola University Chicago are famous for saying “The only way to learn something it to teach it.” Maybe don’t wait to learn it…reverse engineer the process…and teach it first!

The Forth Wall

Actors learn about the “fourth wall” in Acting 101 classes; it is the invisible wall that separates the actor’s world from that of the audience—the imaginary boundary between a fictional work and its receiver. Once the actor speaks directly to the audience through this imaginary wall, he or she is “breaking the fourth wall,” and the boundaries are deconstructed. An example of this occurs in the classic Thornton Wilder play, “Our Town,” in which the narrator steps out to the very edge of the stage. For a few moments, the narrator is not representing a character; rather, the narrator is just another person giving us a quick synopsis. Then backing away, again becomes a character in a fictional reality, and “fourth wall” is imagined again and “Our Town” comes to life.

We as presenters, facilitators, and speakers also set up a “fourth wall” between ourselves and our audience. Once we are up in front, we still set up a boundary between “us” and “them.” The sooner we break the boundary by involving them in some way, the sooner we connect, involve, and engage.

This is why the traditional hour speech is not really so convincing or useful for today’s audiences. Even politicians have begun to adopt the ’town hall’ approach to indicate that they are more accessible to the electorate. Consider as part of your program interviewing someone the audience want to know and do it Larry King style with the audience asking questions too. When the content expert comes to update your team, don’t let them ‘present’ instead just have your own ‘town hall’ so that the question the audience really wants to ask are asked first.

When presenters don’t break the fourth wall, the audience observes the content. You, however, can take a step forward, breaking the fourth wall, so that the audience is focused on applying and connecting with the content.

It is not about your speech…it is about the experience of your time with them.

Make a difference today!

Every time I am on an airplane I wait until the flight attendant has nothing to do and then I wander up to them and simply say, “Thank you for your service today…it’s a pleasure to be on your flight today.” The responses and the stories that happen after are priceless.

Working Today?

Someone once told me that the two words that you can never go wrong on nor say enough are “Thank You.” (Sometimes they are even more precious than hearing our own name!) Of course it has to be genuine, not said too quickly or impatiently, needs some strong eye contact. Who needs your “Thank You” today?

Family Time Today?

With a family member you can say “Thank You” and then add “What I appreciate most about you is….” Then watch what happens next!

On Your Own Today?

I’ve not done this one yet, maybe today (!)…have you thanked yourself and told yourself what you most appreciate about you lately?

To understand a person, you must see with his eyes, hear with his ears, and feel with his heart

Alfred Adler (1870-1937) one of the earliest pioneers of modern psychology wrote: “to understand a person, you must see with his eyes, hear with his ears, and feel with his heart.”

As we “present,” we want the other to have an open mind; we wish to establish credibility with this other person; and we hope to engage them in response—perhaps with a “yes” or perhaps with a question—often with applause! (We just have to be careful that the applause is not our first priority!) In order to enjoy the ambience of a one-to-one conversation, we need to first access the “inner listener” of the other… who is this person?

On the now classic television series “Star Trek,” a science fiction story about travelers in space seeking out new life and exploring where no one has gone before, the explorers were on a planet with a labyrinth of mines. As they explored, the crew and the miners were being harassed by a huge, deadly, and moving stone-like being. This eyeless, marking-free “thing” that looked like a huge boulder was ravaging the miner community. This monster could cut through solid rock at a moment’s notice. Miners were being killed; seemingly nothing could stop the carnage. The monstrous boulder seemed impervious to all weapons.

One of the crewmembers noticed there were also “little” boulders scattered all around the area, and they were moving! Finally, one of the crew, the half-human, half-Vulcan Dr. Spock, decided the huge mass needed to be addressed. He used an ancient Vulcan method, the Vulcan Mind-Meld. In it, he laid his hands on the huge stone, and then with great emotional and physical pain, energy transferred from the living boulder to Dr. Spock’s awareness. Spock understood that this strange, deadly creature had been pregnant! Like all moms, she was concerned for her “little ones” (who were being harvested by the miners!). Once understood, all came to terms. The miners realized she and her little ones could cut more tunnels faster and better than they could; the crew discovered a brand new being; and mom was happy to be understood and had her little ones in tow! Empathy existed even in outer space . . . one-to-one.

The best presenters do the same thing, one hopes with less pain!

Make a difference today!

There's muskrat that lives in our back yard building his/her nest…you can see the mouthful of grass stuffed in all sides…busy, busy, busy.

Are you working today?

- Someone you meet today will be ‘building their nest’ …a new home, a nest egg for the future, a new part of the nest at work and at home. Ask them about it and be as interested as you can be when they tell you about it. Then notice what you notice about them and yourself.

Spending time with family today?

- What part of your home could use some extra ‘mouthfuls of grass’! A touch here and a touch there…nothing major, just a touch.

Or on your own today?

- How is your favorite project going today? Is it giving you some satisfaction, happiness, progress in sight?

Hopefully when you reflect on these questions, they make a little difference to your day in some shape or form!

Paraphrase-Summarize-Empathize

Paraphrase-Summarize-Empathize are the platinum standards for the leader who teaches and facilitates the learning of those who need their problem to get on the right track to a solution.

- When we paraphrase, we are seeking to understand the other.
- When we summarize, we are working with the other to focus more clearly.
- And when we empathize, we are recognizing that even the most technical information has an emotional element to us and to the other.

This next week perhaps be aware of those around you who employ these more important but often neglected skills. How did they do it? What was it like for you when they used these skills with you?

MAKE A DIFFERENCE TODAY!

This is a photograph of my family at our favorite dude ranch in Tucson, White Stallion Ranch. It inspired today's intentions:

Working Today?

Who needs just a bit more of your time today? Think about them right now and consider how you will be with them just a bit more today. What do they need you to say? How long do they need you to stay?

Family Time Today?

Many years ago there was a book called “The First Four Minutes” the premise of which was that the first four minutes of every encounter is the most important…a time we use to establish relationship, trust, and connection. One expert said with families it is the first eight minutes! So when you come home tonight despite all of those unanswered emails…spend the first eight minutes with everyone in your family telling each one what they meant to you as you thought about them today.

On Your Own Today?

Traveling? Vacationing? Contemplating? Cleaning out the basement today? Well how is what you are doing renewing you? Try coming up with one word that will be your focus as you board an airplane, sit on the couch, sit on a horse (!) or de-clutter. See what meaning that word gives your activity today.

The true meaning of value

Have you ever sat in the audience of a presenter who asked questions, seemingly to help the audience understand? Soon it became clear that what mattered was that the audience was supposed to give only the “right” answers. This form of teaching is common in traditional university classrooms and many professional schools. It encourages conformity, promotes discouragement, and often heightens a fear of embarrassment even among fellow professionals. As the audience offers up ideas, you can spot the presenter using this style because they keep saying, “Not quite . . . no . . . pretty close. I guess no one knows this!” What becomes clear is that value is defined by what the presenter sees as valuable, not the audience’s experience or feedback. I was in a pharmaceutical ad board with a noted content expert. Ad boards are used by the pharma industry to solicit ideas and reactions from physicians who are deemed Key Opinion Leaders (KOLs). The best ad board are lively interchanges. This one was a noted expert for sure. The audience was non-verbally responsive. At one point a physician asked a question. The presenter took a step forward with eye contact and said, “What you meant to ask me was…” From that moment on not one question from highly educated physicians. Everyone mentally (and nonverbally) became a scolded second grader!

Every person in your audience and on your team wants only one thing: to have his or her problem solved. Even the most loving, caring, other- focused person wants exactly the same thing that the most selfish, narcissistic, obnoxious person on your team wants: the problem solved. This is the true meaning of value. We often hear the term “value proposition” in business today as if we know what will fulfill our customers. What we propose to them is to seek their “yes.” What if, however, we had a “value conversation” with them instead. What if we listened? What if we asked? What if we saw value as they saw it: Can you help me?

Think about your next office conversation. Do you (or your colleague) focus on the other person or do you simply engage in a mutual monologue? Listen closely next time. Does your conversational partner talk about you or about him- or herself? How about you? Who is your focus?

Make a difference today!

No matter what you're doing today, there is a way that you can make a difference:

Working Today?
Consider sending a letter (that you personally write) to each of your employees on their employment anniversary or their Birthday noting what you appreciate about them with specifics. One of my physician attendees does this yearly…and reaps the rewards all year long.

Family Time Today?
Another physician does this and then sends the letter home to the employee’s children and spouse. Now that makes for a surprise at dinner!

On Your Own Today?
Write a letter today to those of yours at home or in college and mail it. Then notice….

Ideas for you, as a learner

Meditation, whether religiously inspired or not, almost always begins with an awareness of our breathing. In and out, slower, more consciousness, more settled. When I was first introduced to this by my students, it seemed so novel to me. I was used to diving right in, unaware of my breath, unaware of how I felt at this moment, unaware my eyes were wide open when they needed a bit of eyes shut to then enter the journey of discovery.

Similarly when we teach or lead a program, even when we attend a workshop, self-reflection can be a big help regardless of who the audience is or how skilled the presenter is. Self-reflection can help us locate not only the objectives of the presenter, but the more important the ones of our own making. Why did I sign up for this workshop? What do I really want to leave with that will help my next step? Who is here that I can learn from? And perhaps most importantly (regardless of the talent of the presenter), what am I going to do to make this an important time for me?

Certainly, it is the responsibility and the calling of the presenter to do their very best to teach with engagement regardless of the size of the audience. (Yes, you CAN actively engage with hundreds of people in an audience…if you self-reflect on what they need, not only on what you will say or show on your PowerPoint.) It is also up to the learner to engage as well. Yet, when we are confronted with a nervous instructor and mounds of PowerPoint slides we can tend to wander our mind with judgment, silent advice, even resentment. And that, our own inner experience, can affect our learning just as much as any awful presentation.

So here are a few ideas for when you are in a meeting or lecture hall:

1. Be the first to raise your hand, to make an encouraging comment or with curiosity to ask a question supportive of what you and others may need. Be the first one, right away. I am constantly amazed how smart, educated, important professions fall silent at the exactly the time they need to chime in.

2. Consider what you need from this learning experience and selfishly as well as selflessly go after it. This does not mean you have to challenge the presenter, only put in front of them the challenge that you feel. Tell a short story, preface your question or comment, focus closely so that it pertains not only to you but to those others like you.

3. Accept your very next opportunity to be the presenter. Of course, this can cause some nerves. This will get better with practice. Then remind yourself that you are not nervous…you are excited to present and to engage. As Whitehead advised, so that they know more and can do more.

Make a difference today!

Whether you are working today, with family or on your own, set yourself one of the intentions below and see what impact it makes on you and those around you.

Working Today?

What if you did a job with one of your team or employees today, just for a bit…you could even ask them to teach you their job. Then notice what just changed between you.

Family Time Today?

Cook with your spouse or kids today…no matter how much they may protest! Become the family expert on making smoothies, chopping vegetables, adding the seasoning. Just don't try to become the expert on 'supervising' like I did with Chef Genia at the Kimpton Hotels & Restaurants, Sacramento! Luckily she ended up teaching me about her job!

On Your Own Today?

A favorite memory for me was weekly (sometimes nightly!) making chocolate banana malts with my father in the blender. I’m still not sure if I liked the malt or the time better…maybe both. How about your favorite memory?

What will your presentation do to help the audience take that next right step?

When presenting, why do we overdose on PowerPoint, stand away from the audience, speak quickly, act anxiously, or even read every single word from a written document?

Is it fear born from excessive perfectionism, or an inflated thought that every single slide and word is of vital importance…all the while forgetting that our audience will likely forget much of the detail. What audiences do remember is the experience. They will remember, fondly or not, what that time with you was like. Did you disperse wisdom or data, understanding or slides, expertise or…more data? Audiences come to us in Kindergarten, University, or professional meetings for probably only one thing: they want to emerge better able to solve their problem, to improve their condition, to truly know and to do more.

Our task then is not to build a PowerPoint deck as our security blanket but rather to really think about this audience as different in some way from the last one. Really consider what will help this particular audience, this particular class, this one person. How can your interaction help them to take that next right step?

This next week, as you present in any situation, consider first not the content, but rather the consumer of the content. They have a problem. What will your presentation do to help them take that next right step?

Your job is not to please the audience; your job is to engage the audience

My dental hygienist was telling me about her goal to finish her degree and enter a graduate program. I asked how it was going. “Well, I was going to enroll in one class…but I heard from other students that it was all lecture. All lecture doesn’t work for me.”

Does “all lecture” work for you…as the learner? How many times have all of us sat in a classroom, workshop, even a “lecture hall” (!) only to emerge wondering if we would ever get that hour back again in our life. Yet it continues to be the coin of the realm at professional meetings, classrooms, and even ‘motivational’ programs that we actually pay for!

The American philosopher, Alfred North Whitehead, cautioned that education ought to help us know more and do more… “this intimate union of theory and practice aids both” he concluded. That was years ago and yet for many professionals, the lecture, to know more, overshadows the do more, again and again.

When Nora Dunn of the early Saturday Night Live show attended one of my classes at Columbia College Chicago she advised our acting students, “Your job is not to please the audience; your job is to engage the audience” and then she added that it is in the engagement that we are pleased. Many teaching Kindergarten through University know very well how important it is to stop the lecture only method…our students don’t tolerate it very well…and they tell us so!

But at our professional meetings, how many times do you really get to meet those at your table? Or those at the next table? Or on Zoom how many emails are you able to get through when the lecture begins?

So I invite you to reflect on your experience of learning. Are you like my dental hygienist? Or are you like the tens of thousands this week who will sit and listen and then hear the common statement, “Looks like we don’t have time for Q&A.” Make this a key consideration next time you are the one doing the teaching!

Make a difference today!

My yoga teacher always begins our class by setting an intention for the practice. Inspired, I now set myself an intention at the beginning of every day. What a difference it's made! Ask yourself one of the questions below today and see if it makes a difference to your hour, your morning, your day, your time with patients/students/clients/colleagues/the C-Suite/family, and most importantly yourself.

If you're working today:

I’ve spent some time consulting in a cath lab…they save the sexiest outfits for the consultants! I noticed that when a particular physician used their scrub as a fellow professional, the atmosphere of the patient care changed. The scrub, the nurse, the rad tech, were no longer observers, they were collaborators. Who can you ask for what they notice today as you work with your team? Then notice what is different.

If you're spending time with family today:

Ever take a vacation with your kids to a place where they didn’t want to go? Yikes! What if planning involved them early and often, not just days or weeks before the trip, but an ongoing discussion, researching, collaborating. This even works for a trip to grandma’s…what else is near her home that we have not yet discovered?

If you're on your own today:

Many years ago as the self-help industry of books was just beginning, there was a book called “How To Be Your Own Best Friend”. If you were your best friend, what would your appreciate about yourself?

Today isn’t just the first day of the rest of your life: Today is THE day of your life. You are in my intentions today.

Share with Some Intended Hesitancy

Bob Powers, one of my now deceased professors from the Adler University in Chicago recommended to us aspiring counselors to play the “dumb nut” to get others to think more deeply.

As I reflect on this advice many years later, I notice that when others ask the obvious question it stimulates thinking on both parties. “Can you tell me more about that?” or “I’ve not heard it put that way before, tell me more about it.”

On a Los Angeles bound plane one day a man was telling me about his son who played on an east coast college football team. “My wife and I attend every game so we will be there when he gets hurt!” I asked, “You expect him to get hurt?” He replied, “Football is a very violent sport, Kevin.” I went on to ask what position he played knowing very, very little about football. “Quarterback” he said. Without thinking about my professor’s advice but perhaps following it I asked, “Is that they one who throws the ball?” He looked at me incredulously and said, “You have no idea about the game do you?” My response was “Nope!” He pulled out his iPhone and together for the next hour we watched his son’s game as he taught me more than I ever had known about the sport. It occurred to me later we were not watching a football game…he was showing me baby pictures…his baby all grown up!

Think Adjective, Noun, Adverb

A top tip for thought leadership from Business Speaker Mark LeBlanc, CSP: Divide a piece of paper into columns and simply brainstorm many (many!) words randomly. The columns can be labeled anything you want…I use adjective, noun, and adverb but you could use colors, towns, countries, etc. Then start circling combinations of those words. This could be used for a book title, a new concept, a vacation experience you never considered before…thought leadership doesn't have to be confined to the office! Try it and notice what is better or different about your thinking, your creativity, even that next vacation!