Have you ever sat in the audience of a presenter who asked questions, seemingly to help the audience understand? Soon it became clear that what mattered was that the audience was supposed to give only the “right” answers. This form of teaching is common in traditional university classrooms and many professional schools. It encourages conformity, promotes discouragement, and often heightens a fear of embarrassment even among fellow professionals. As the audience offers up ideas, you can spot the presenter using this style because they keep saying, “Not quite . . . no . . . pretty close. I guess no one knows this!” What becomes clear is that value is defined by what the presenter sees as valuable, not the audience’s experience or feedback. I was in a pharmaceutical ad board with a noted content expert. Ad boards are used by the pharma industry to solicit ideas and reactions from physicians who are deemed Key Opinion Leaders (KOLs). The best ad board are lively interchanges. This one was a noted expert for sure. The audience was non-verbally responsive. At one point a physician asked a question. The presenter took a step forward with eye contact and said, “What you meant to ask me was…” From that moment on not one question from highly educated physicians. Everyone mentally (and nonverbally) became a scolded second grader!
Every person in your audience and on your team wants only one thing: to have his or her problem solved. Even the most loving, caring, other- focused person wants exactly the same thing that the most selfish, narcissistic, obnoxious person on your team wants: the problem solved. This is the true meaning of value. We often hear the term “value proposition” in business today as if we know what will fulfill our customers. What we propose to them is to seek their “yes.” What if, however, we had a “value conversation” with them instead. What if we listened? What if we asked? What if we saw value as they saw it: Can you help me?
Think about your next office conversation. Do you (or your colleague) focus on the other person or do you simply engage in a mutual monologue? Listen closely next time. Does your conversational partner talk about you or about him- or herself? How about you? Who is your focus?