Alfred Adler (1870-1937) one of the earliest pioneers of modern psychology wrote: “to understand a person, you must see with his eyes, hear with his ears, and feel with his heart.”
As we “present,” we want the other to have an open mind; we wish to establish credibility with this other person; and we hope to engage them in response—perhaps with a “yes” or perhaps with a question—often with applause! (We just have to be careful that the applause is not our first priority!) In order to enjoy the ambience of a one-to-one conversation, we need to first access the “inner listener” of the other… who is this person?
On the now classic television series “Star Trek,” a science fiction story about travelers in space seeking out new life and exploring where no one has gone before, the explorers were on a planet with a labyrinth of mines. As they explored, the crew and the miners were being harassed by a huge, deadly, and moving stone-like being. This eyeless, marking-free “thing” that looked like a huge boulder was ravaging the miner community. This monster could cut through solid rock at a moment’s notice. Miners were being killed; seemingly nothing could stop the carnage. The monstrous boulder seemed impervious to all weapons.
One of the crewmembers noticed there were also “little” boulders scattered all around the area, and they were moving! Finally, one of the crew, the half-human, half-Vulcan Dr. Spock, decided the huge mass needed to be addressed. He used an ancient Vulcan method, the Vulcan Mind-Meld. In it, he laid his hands on the huge stone, and then with great emotional and physical pain, energy transferred from the living boulder to Dr. Spock’s awareness. Spock understood that this strange, deadly creature had been pregnant! Like all moms, she was concerned for her “little ones” (who were being harvested by the miners!). Once understood, all came to terms. The miners realized she and her little ones could cut more tunnels faster and better than they could; the crew discovered a brand new being; and mom was happy to be understood and had her little ones in tow! Empathy existed even in outer space . . . one-to-one.
The best presenters do the same thing, one hopes with less pain!