Managing vs Leading

There is an important difference between ‘managing the talk’ and ‘leading the discussion.’

Managing to me seems to be about controlling who says what, when, and in effect, corralling all the voices. It does not often lead to a conclusion so…”we better meet again next week!”

Leading the discussion has to do with finding the common element, the issue at hand, the ‘one thing’ that is vital to the effort. While data points are presented and debated, the leader, regardless of their position or status, is the one who can go beneath and beyond the data and relate the ‘story’ that points the way.

2+2 might be 4 or in some cases 22 or in others the entirely wrong equation to be considering. It is the manager who allows the debate to rage (respectfully) among the experts. The leader, however, tells the story of the equation, has a uniting example, speaks to the overriding issue.

Dr. Frank Dono worked at Ohio Health well into his 80’s as a teacher and physician executive and concluded every meeting with a short, impassioned speech to remind us, “Today we talked about finances, but we are really talking about patients, the quality of their care, the safety we provide, the mercy we show.” Every meeting. (It was said as he was being wheeled on a gurney during a heart attack that he was calmly instructing the new resident what to do giving her the confidence to do her best for her teacher!) Till the end! Wow.

Chat Box Waterfall

A “Chat Box Waterfall” is a great way to get everyone contributing in a virtual meeting. Ask a simple question then say the following: “I’d like you to go to the chat box and I’ll give you 60 seconds to type your answer to this question but don’t hit enter until I tell you to…”

There is always one who hits enter straight away (of course!) but when at the 60 second mark you say “Hit enter!” you will see a ‘waterfall’ of contributions come in.

Then all you have to do is say, “Let’s take a moment and review these” and then as the host you find someone’s entry and ask “Bob, can you tell us about yours? When you are finished call on the next person” After a few of these you can say, “Jane tell us about yours and then send it back to me.”

This is a guaranteed involvement technique that will forever end the agonizing silence accompanying, “Anyone have any ideas?”

Fearless Facilitation

Facilitate your next presentation instead of simply presenting. In every presentation you do consider how to involve others. Without participation you will simply have spectators quietly judging you and your content. With facilitation you will have fellow participants engaged.

Nora Dunn from Saturday Night Live in the 80s told my class of actors, “Your job is not to please the audience, your job is to engage the audience.” (And it is in the engagement that they will be pleased.) You cannot engage if you only talk, no matter how good you are. The audience, especially today’s audience, has far more wisdom than we do. Let them talk to one another and learn with them.

Pro tip: Never say,” Turn to the person next to you”. Instead get them moving with “When I give you the signal I want you to get up find two other people who are not at your table and go and sit with them to form a group of three AWAY from the tables (you will have to enforce this). Then tell them what to discuss for 5-8 minutes (not too long or they will start talking about sports and their kids) then ask, “What did you just LEARN from your group?” (rather than “What did you just talk about?”) and then wait in silence. When they start talking you have engagement.

Do you always have to run the meeting?

Do you always have to run the meeting? What if you didn’t? What if two members of the team did it? One of my clients paired two warring members with a high-profile meeting where they were forced to cooperate. After a few of those meetings they became fast friends!

You really don’t have to do what THEY can do. If you're a leader, try this! Show up at the beginning of a team meeting with an inquiry about what everyone wants to accomplish, give some very brief perspective remarks, then leave! Returns for the final 15 minutes with innocent curiosity and lots of encouragement. Let me know how it goes!

The best icebreaker

Traditional icebreakers are often childish in nature, involving games and toys. Instead of that consider a way to help your team leave the chaos they came from (home, the last meeting, daycare drop off, etc.) and find an easy way to help them focus.

Here's an idea! Ask the simple, yet deep, question: “On a scale of 1-10, 10 is best…how are you feeling right now for this meeting?” Go around with numbers only. This gives you and the team a way to get the pulse of the group.

Once everyone has given their numbers, ask “Does anyone want to add anything?” And then, the secret of a great facilitator is to be quiet, look expectant, and silently start counting to yourself, “one thousand one, one thousand two, one thousand three…” If you get to eight or nine then move on. Remember your team needs time to respond to your request, time to think, time to decide to speak up.

This 1-10 can be used in many ways: “How confident are you that our budget is accurate?” or “How do you feel about the project?” etc.

Give it a try!

Fearless facilitation

We value others who can help us. We do not instinctively value those who are smarter, better, especially those who say that they are! We value what we value, not who or what they want us to value. As Nido Qubein from High Point University advises: we the audience members, not the presenter, are the value interpreters.
 
This may seem like common sense but consider how some experts treat you, your teams or their audiences. Some consider themselves as full vessels, filling up the empty vessels…us!
 
This mindset of how we approach others signifies how we regard and value them. This has impact immediately. Have you ever felt talked down to by someone? How quickly did you recognize this was happening? This is called vertical communication with the superior one on the top and the inferior one on the bottom. This was a traditional teaching technique for physicians in residency where they would be grilled by the senior doctor, often then leaving them feeling less than adequate, humiliated, or worse!
 
But the successful facilitator speaks on a horizontal plane. If I can get the other to articulate what they think, feel and know, then I will be in a better position to teach, discuss, and encourage with mutual respect. To do this however, means to give up the natural urge to be on top. Instead, it means you are willing to listen, to really hear, and perhaps to learn yourself. Fearless facilitators who work on the horizontal plane learn something new every day, even about the area in which they are the expert!

Fearless facilitation

I really do wonder if the audience needs or wants another traditional motivational speech, either from a professional or from their boss. My experience with my primary audience (physician leaders and healthcare executives) is that they are looking for the wisdom within the audience, within themselves. I get hired to help draw this out, to provide opportunities for audience members to interact in a substantial way, and to create a safe environment for them to do so.

When we facilitate well, it can appear easy. Perhaps like watching a professional golfer take a swing. Is it really that different from my swing? Only in the outcome! What the great facilitators, colleagues and bosses do is use a set of skills allowing them to listen with a third ear, see with a fourth eye, and speak less than everyone else. They know they are not only the beauty of the swing of the club. They produce the outcome. The outcome that comes from within the others.

Fearless Facilitation

On an airplane, a seatmate asked what I did for a living. I said, “I’m a professional speaker.” He said, “Motivational?” My response even surprised me!... “I hope so!” We both had a good laugh!

Think about the last time a presenter really helped open up a discussion and then made it easy for everyone to participate. For some presenters, it is much easier and seemingly safer to just keep talking. When have you felt safe in a meeting to say what you wanted to say and, perhaps more importantly, what NEEDED to be said?
 
Presenters, participants, and leaders who engage in these situations are courageous because they give up the traditional control of an audience, or of a team, or even of a conversational partner, and allow the other to talk, question, and even disagree.
 
While this may not seem like a big deal, consider the last time you knew that what you were saying was about to be challenged, disagreed with, or even met with a sarcastic or caustic remark. How did you feel? More to the point, how did you proceed?
 
Those who facilitate a conversation take the courageous route, a fearless route, not without risk of course. Opening yourself to a contribution especially in a presentation can appear risky since you really don’t know what the other will say. Focusing closely on the other person whilst putting your own ideas on the back burner can require great focus and great patience. Even when we allow others to talk in small groups, do we really always have to know what they said? Or if they were on task? Or what they said about us? It is only important that they know.
 
If you want to assert your leadership with your team, or to be seen as a leader when you present, then facilitate your presentation to make conversation easy and useful. Help others think through solutions that need to happen rather than simply restating the problems that they already know exist. This is true whether you are presenting to one hundred or just to one.
 
It can be as simple as asking your team for input. Instead of asking a question of a large group where some will talk too much and others won’t speak at all, why not ask the large group to move quickly into smaller groups of two or three and discuss the question for three to five minutes. Then, you can initiate a large group discussion. You will be guaranteed a better discussion, a more robust list of ideas, and involvement even from your most introverted team member.

Facilitate your next presentation

Facilitate your next presentation instead of simply “presenting.” In every presentation consider how to involve others. Without participation you will simply have spectators quietly judging you and your content. With facilitation you will have fellow participants engaged.

Nora Dunn from Saturday Night Live in the 80s told my class of actors, “Your job is not to please the audience, your job is to engage the audience.” (And it is in the engagement that they will be pleased.) You cannot engage if you only talk, no matter how good you are.

The audience, especially today’s audience, has far more wisdom than we do. Let them talk to one another and learn with them. (And a hint: Never ever say,” Turn to the person next to you”…instead get them moving with “When I give you the signal I want you to get up find two other people not at your table and go and sit with them to form a group of three AWAY from the tables (you will have to enforce this). Then tell them what to discuss for 5-8 minutes (not too long or they will start talking about sports and their kids) then ask, “What did you just learn from your group?” (and then wait in silence)…when they start talking you have engagement. Avoid: “What did you just talk about?”

Be a facilitator, not a presenter

“Turn to your neighbor” is an often-used technique presenters rely on for “audience involvement.” Personally, especially today, I think it has passed its prime. Instead, how about, “When I give you the signal, I want you to get up and find two other people you don’t know and form a group of three away from the tables. Ready? Go!” Yes, this chaotic madness is noisy, disorganized for a few moments, but terribly fun.

Next interaction can be “new groups of two” and then “take your group of two and join another group of two to become a group of four” and so on. Get people together to meet, get them away from the tables (I never use any tables…they just get in the way) and let them talk to one another.

Yes, what you have to say is important, but just not that important. Consider being a presenter/facilitator vs. a main presenter. Consider ‘lecturettes’ instead of a 90-mintue talk. Speak for 8-12 minutes then get them talking to one another! They may have initially come to hear you; they will remember having been able to talk and meet one another. Yes your expertise is valuable and so is the experience they had that you allowed.

To understand a person, you must see with his eyes, hear with his ears, and feel with his heart

Alfred Adler (1870-1937) one of the earliest pioneers of modern psychology wrote: “to understand a person, you must see with his eyes, hear with his ears, and feel with his heart.”

As we “present,” we want the other to have an open mind; we wish to establish credibility with this other person; and we hope to engage them in response—perhaps with a “yes” or perhaps with a question—often with applause! (We just have to be careful that the applause is not our first priority!) In order to enjoy the ambience of a one-to-one conversation, we need to first access the “inner listener” of the other… who is this person?

On the now classic television series “Star Trek,” a science fiction story about travelers in space seeking out new life and exploring where no one has gone before, the explorers were on a planet with a labyrinth of mines. As they explored, the crew and the miners were being harassed by a huge, deadly, and moving stone-like being. This eyeless, marking-free “thing” that looked like a huge boulder was ravaging the miner community. This monster could cut through solid rock at a moment’s notice. Miners were being killed; seemingly nothing could stop the carnage. The monstrous boulder seemed impervious to all weapons.

One of the crewmembers noticed there were also “little” boulders scattered all around the area, and they were moving! Finally, one of the crew, the half-human, half-Vulcan Dr. Spock, decided the huge mass needed to be addressed. He used an ancient Vulcan method, the Vulcan Mind-Meld. In it, he laid his hands on the huge stone, and then with great emotional and physical pain, energy transferred from the living boulder to Dr. Spock’s awareness. Spock understood that this strange, deadly creature had been pregnant! Like all moms, she was concerned for her “little ones” (who were being harvested by the miners!). Once understood, all came to terms. The miners realized she and her little ones could cut more tunnels faster and better than they could; the crew discovered a brand new being; and mom was happy to be understood and had her little ones in tow! Empathy existed even in outer space . . . one-to-one.

The best presenters do the same thing, one hopes with less pain!

Paraphrase-Summarize-Empathize

Paraphrase-Summarize-Empathize are the platinum standards for the leader who teaches and facilitates the learning of those who need their problem to get on the right track to a solution.

- When we paraphrase, we are seeking to understand the other.
- When we summarize, we are working with the other to focus more clearly.
- And when we empathize, we are recognizing that even the most technical information has an emotional element to us and to the other.

This next week perhaps be aware of those around you who employ these more important but often neglected skills. How did they do it? What was it like for you when they used these skills with you?

Ideas for you, as a learner

Meditation, whether religiously inspired or not, almost always begins with an awareness of our breathing. In and out, slower, more consciousness, more settled. When I was first introduced to this by my students, it seemed so novel to me. I was used to diving right in, unaware of my breath, unaware of how I felt at this moment, unaware my eyes were wide open when they needed a bit of eyes shut to then enter the journey of discovery.

Similarly when we teach or lead a program, even when we attend a workshop, self-reflection can be a big help regardless of who the audience is or how skilled the presenter is. Self-reflection can help us locate not only the objectives of the presenter, but the more important the ones of our own making. Why did I sign up for this workshop? What do I really want to leave with that will help my next step? Who is here that I can learn from? And perhaps most importantly (regardless of the talent of the presenter), what am I going to do to make this an important time for me?

Certainly, it is the responsibility and the calling of the presenter to do their very best to teach with engagement regardless of the size of the audience. (Yes, you CAN actively engage with hundreds of people in an audience…if you self-reflect on what they need, not only on what you will say or show on your PowerPoint.) It is also up to the learner to engage as well. Yet, when we are confronted with a nervous instructor and mounds of PowerPoint slides we can tend to wander our mind with judgment, silent advice, even resentment. And that, our own inner experience, can affect our learning just as much as any awful presentation.

So here are a few ideas for when you are in a meeting or lecture hall:

1. Be the first to raise your hand, to make an encouraging comment or with curiosity to ask a question supportive of what you and others may need. Be the first one, right away. I am constantly amazed how smart, educated, important professions fall silent at the exactly the time they need to chime in.

2. Consider what you need from this learning experience and selfishly as well as selflessly go after it. This does not mean you have to challenge the presenter, only put in front of them the challenge that you feel. Tell a short story, preface your question or comment, focus closely so that it pertains not only to you but to those others like you.

3. Accept your very next opportunity to be the presenter. Of course, this can cause some nerves. This will get better with practice. Then remind yourself that you are not nervous…you are excited to present and to engage. As Whitehead advised, so that they know more and can do more.

What will your presentation do to help the audience take that next right step?

When presenting, why do we overdose on PowerPoint, stand away from the audience, speak quickly, act anxiously, or even read every single word from a written document?

Is it fear born from excessive perfectionism, or an inflated thought that every single slide and word is of vital importance…all the while forgetting that our audience will likely forget much of the detail. What audiences do remember is the experience. They will remember, fondly or not, what that time with you was like. Did you disperse wisdom or data, understanding or slides, expertise or…more data? Audiences come to us in Kindergarten, University, or professional meetings for probably only one thing: they want to emerge better able to solve their problem, to improve their condition, to truly know and to do more.

Our task then is not to build a PowerPoint deck as our security blanket but rather to really think about this audience as different in some way from the last one. Really consider what will help this particular audience, this particular class, this one person. How can your interaction help them to take that next right step?

This next week, as you present in any situation, consider first not the content, but rather the consumer of the content. They have a problem. What will your presentation do to help them take that next right step?

Fearless Facilitation

This is the title of one of my books co-authored with Cyndi Maxey CSP. We heard recently that someone was teaching our book with closed-ended questions and lectures! As an author all I could think was “Fantastic!” with a big grin. When you facilitate, get others talking and your content will emerge in the same way as when we mix ingredients for that stews and cakes.

Put your colleagues into small groups of three and have them focus on one question for 5-8 minutes then move to a new group. After a few moves ask, “What did you just learn from your group members?” Always avoid the deadly, boring, mind-numbing “Let’s all report out!” or “What did everyone say?” What they learned, leads to others learning, which is the whole point of any meeting. In fact, on Zoom I learned the Chat Box Waterfall from Caelan Huntress. Simply ask everyone on your Zoom call to go to the chatbox then say “I’m going to give you 45 seconds to type, but don’t hit enter until I tell you so. Here is your question _____...now type…don’t hit enter.” Then I go quiet (we can’t type and listen at the same time!) and after 45 seconds I say, “OK hit enter!”  You’ll see a cascade of participation! Then simply pick a person and have them share, then they pick a person and so on. No need to do everyone. Save the chat and distribute.

TIP 7 FOR BEING A FEARLESS FACILITATOR

Some common wisdom floating around for the past several years has been the importance of everyone having an “elevator speech” ready for use. Roughly translated, an elevator speech is something you can say about yourself to another person in the space of a ten to twenty floor ride upstairs. Somehow this is supposed to help identify you, your core values, your mission, and your ability to somehow be of value to the other person. To me it comes across as akin to projectile vomiting…and with the same result!

Another common wisdom is the concept of the “value proposition.” This value proposition is defined as “what have you done, or will do, for me lately?” In this proposition we are supposed to again define our value for the customer, client, patient, or our target audience.  Meeting after meeting, numerous conversations are filled with this now common phrase. Somehow, someway, we should be able to define value for the other.

Both of these concepts seem to me to be misguided attempts to do what the client, customer, patient, or target is supposed to do, not what we are to do. When we recognize that it is the other who defines the value, who are the value interpreters, then we clearly see that we are not the value definers.

So, the elevator may be an opportunity to engage, to ask, to be interested…not to ‘project.’

Collaboration, cooperation, and conversation are born out of our interest in the other, not in our self-interested self. It is one thing to be confronted with a billboard or an elevator video advertising on and on about fast food; quite another to be stuck with someone doing the same thing about themselves.

Consider what is at stake. In the matter of a few moments, most of us know whether we want to continue to be in a relationship with a stranger, a friend, or foe. Walk into any meeting and you pretty much know who you are going to sit next to and why. We even continually sit in exactly the same chair for each and every meeting. We do this so we won’t have to move out of our comfort zone, have to engage in talk with someone we may not like, or give up our zone of control. In short, we interpret the value of the other, even of the environment in which we are based, on a few short moments of stimuli.

Wouldn’t you want your customer, your patient, or your boss to be able to make the best possible interpretation about your value as soon as possible?

TIP 6 FOR BEING A FEARLESS FACILITATOR

Have you noticed lately that not everyone responds to your emails? Or to your voice mails? Sometimes not even to your visits?! Yet we feel we need the response, the involvement, and the approval of these very people. 

In short, we want to influence them, but they seem impervious to our attentions.

Real influence is not about persuading them to like us. Nor is it about schmoozing or selling. Nor is it about charisma. Instead, we want to be like a GPS for their destination: a reassuring voice that plots not only the final goal but someone who also offers turn-by-turn advice that keeps them on track.

Real influence is therefore about power, and our own attitude about power is essential for our influence to be felt in order to be effective. Sometimes we conceive power to be all about strength, status, and survival of the fittest. In fact, it is not about that at all. Many of our strongest leaders embody what influence and power are really about: access.

Whether we are of high or low status, each one of us decides to pay attention to the other person based on our memory of them, their relevance to us, or their ability to help us move our agenda forward. When you show up in someone else’s mental contact list, your influence comes from the relationship you have developed with them, and in fact, the memories you created in their mind.

A veteran newspaperman in Chicago, who dropped out of school at age 16, shared that his role as a reporter gave him access to the strong and famous, few of whom knew of his lack of academic preparation. Those who did know didn’t really care. They returned his call because of his position, his way, his influence: what he could do for them.

The same is true of us and of our influence. When the other person perceives that we have them in mind, their memory is triggered, and our call is more likely to be returned.

In order to have friends, we must be a good friend. Not just for business but for friendship. One of my colleagues writes handwritten thank you notes, another physician colleague writes letters of encouragement to all staff every St. Valentine’s Day, noting three distinct things that impressed her over the past year, another physician leader does the same but writes it to the employee’s children and spouse and mails it to their home!

Influence is facilitated with the power of the individual, for the individual.

TIP 5 FOR BEING A FEARLESS FACILITATOR

We help others the most when our focus is on them, and ironically when we focus clearly on others, this is when we get what we want from our interaction with them. We cannot focus on them in order for us to ‘get’; we only ‘get’ when our focus is on them for them to ‘get’. This is an important distinction—and a distinction that is oh so rarely experienced.

It is easy and natural to only be concerned about ourselves. It is therefore a remarkable event for an audience when our focus is on them exclusively. Can you remember the last time this happened to you at work? Or at home? Or anywhere? Facebook seems very focused on opinions as facts, self (and selfies!) instead of others, and too few questions, inquiries, and curiosities.

In person (and maybe on your Facebook posts) you can focus closely with attentiveness, paraphrasing, questions, and with curious interest. So, the next time you are called upon to facilitate a meeting prepare by thinking not of what you will do or say but on what needs to be talked about among the group. Then help them get there with simple questions, increasing curiosity, small group interaction, full participation, and time.

TIP 3 FOR BEING A FEARLESS FACILITATOR

Next time you are invited to speak, especially to those in power, take the advice of @Todd Williamson, Vice President, Data Generation & Observational Studies, Bayer HealthCare - ”Don’t!” He cautions this especially with the executive level audience.

Presenting to them requires them to make a decision, a decision you may not have intended or even want. “You were hired to lead, so lead” he says with years of wisdom behind the words.  It reminded me of “It’s better to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission.” Consider taking the load off those above by executing it with your team. What’s the worst that could happen?! Todd says, “Lead. That’s what you were hired for.”

But what if you accept the invitation? Rather than tell them only what you think, help them understand what they think. Bring new ideas, and even more importantly, new approaches to the new ideas by helping them discover what is within. This is the gift and the skill of the facilitator whether in house or an outside professional. They know that the secret sauce lies before them within the group itself. While individual leaders may make a decision independently; the best ones come from the group effort of coming together.

TIP 2 FOR BEING A FEARLESS FACILITATOR

I really do wonder if the audience needs or wants another traditional motivational speech, either from a professional or from their boss. My experience with my primary audience (physician leaders and healthcare executives) is that they are looking for the wisdom within the audience, within themselves. I get hired to help draw this out, to provide opportunities for audience members to interact in a substantial way, and to create a safe environment for them to do so. When we facilitate well, it can appear easy. Perhaps like watching a professional golfer take a swing. Is it really that different from my swing? Only in the outcome! What the great facilitators, colleagues and bosses do is use a set of skills allowing them to listen with a third ear, see with a fourth eye, and speak less than everyone else. They know they are not only the beauty of the swing of the club. They produce the outcome. The outcome that comes from within the others.