ATTEND!

Attend! In the day of the device have you ever been speaking with someone, and as they “listen” they are all the while watching their phone? Or face to face and you are the only one facing a face that is looking everywhere but at you? Or they are behind their desk reviewing emails while you wonder just how much is getting across? (One technique by the way is to stop talking…it will take a few long awkward moments for them to realize, and when they look up you have a few options: “Maybe this isn’t’ a good time.” Or “Better if we talk at another time?”) One of my clients told me that his approach was, “I do better at this when you are looking right at me. OK with you? Or we can do this at another time when you have more time?” (He is a bit direct, but it works for him.) Like intermittent fasting, intermittent silence can have an interesting effect!

Attending is not as easy as it sounds and it is becoming a bit rarer these days in some circles, especially as some of us venture back to F2F. It requires attention and intention in reverse order…intention first. With the skill of self-awareness perhaps even before the other two skills. Attending is not for the multi-tasker: it is a singular grace we give the other as they speak to us. We intend to look like we are listening and then we really do listen with attention.

Away from the politics of things, when I met Bill Clinton in the White House, I was certain that for our brief handshake I was the only person in his world. Then I realized the same thing happened with Mark Huffman at Northwestern in Chicago, Anita Halvorsen, FACHE at ACHE, and John Botsko, Jr. at BrightStar Care. They attended!

So, this week….pay attention to when you are paying attention.