Making an introduction

I notice that physicians are known and introduced by their name and their specialty and…that’s it! It is as if they are a “noun” defined by a name and a thing…their specialty.

Of course, depending on the specialty this can come with a raft of judgments. Surgeon? We all know what they are like, right! Hospice? They are so nice!

But what if we help this definition-by-noun/title with a metaphorical verb/adverb after their name and specialty. “Dr. Hicks is our neurosurgeon and also a Boston marathoner and she is certainly that too, in the OR and at the bedside…she never gives up." Doesn’t this round out her identity better!

It doesn't just apply to physicians. Think about the last time you made an introduction. How did it go? How could you have improved?

Enhance their presence and you will enhance yours as well!

The Skill of Encouragement

Have you ever tried to praise your child or your employee, only it seemed to flop on delivery? “You are great…smart…perfect…amazing…etc.” You may have had the response, “Oh no I’m not…Joe Bloggs is much better than I am…kind of you to say, but…”

If you tell me I am 'something' and I don’t think I am, I mentally cancel you out. When you compare me favorably to others and I know they are more capable, I cancel you out. And if you do it publicly, I really cancel you out either because I am embarrassed or because I am silently thinking, “It’s about time you noticed me, dude!”

However, what if you commented on my progress, effort, or even our relationship?

“I noticed the work you put into this report and it really shows.”

Or “I appreciated when you spoke up at the Board meeting to set the record straight. It took courage and it paid off for our team. Thank you.”

Or “I noticed your touch on the patient’s back and how his entire face relaxed when you did so. I saw your special magic happen. Thank you.”

This is called the Skill of Encouragement which always begins with “I” then some form of appreciation or personal noticing. It is always delivered as only YOUR appreciation for what YOU noticed with a bit of wonderment attached.

My experience with the skill is that it is “sticky”…it persists in their memory. Who are you going to practise this skill with today?

Dealing with emotions

Loud, angry, sarcastic, frustrated, anxious and a few hundred other very descriptive words for our emotions might be how we feel but not how we want to come across. If you intimidate then ‘who you are’ will spread like wildfire throughout the organization. You won’t be seen as correct but as a bully - weak, self-centered, and alone. Feel the emotion of course, identify it for sure, but if you put it out first and loud, you’ll scare off even your most loyal supporter.
 
Emotions are the gas in our tank - they provide the fuel to move us. However, they do not belong at the steering wheel. You may be attracted to many different people for many different reasons, but you marry only one after a good deal of thoughtful decision making (hopefully!) The sweet smell of chocolate cookies arouses even the strongest of us, but how many go into your mouth is decided at the steering wheel not the gas tank.
 
Monitor your emotions before you put them on public display, or reply to the email, or take to social media! A good rule of thumb is “Given how I feel and how strongly I feel about this, what is the best way for me to communicate so that others will receive it with respect and perhaps change?”

It’s all about confidence!

It’s all about confidence! In your own ability, your own expertise, your own decision making. Equally it's important to help others build their own confidence. Watch this video to learn more…

Good routine is key!

Good routine is key! I was reminded of this recently when John G. Blumberg, CSP told me that every day, he contacts three people, just to connect with them. And he is hugely successful! Watch this video to learn more…

Be Present and Have Presence

When my colleague, Char Wenc taught at Loyola University Chicago she always advised her students to “Be Present and Have Presence” and ensured that they knew those were two very different things.
 
“Were you at the meeting last week?”
“I was sitting right next to you!”
“Well, you didn’t say anything!”
 
Prepare for presence. YOUR presence. What are the three things you want to make sure you say in the meeting regardless of the discussion? What is the essential message of the meeting content that you want others to know? What questions do you need to ask in order to help move things forward? This is particularly important if you are angry, hurt, or resentful…what are you not going to say?
 
Go further by helping to clarify the messages in the discussion with paraphrasing. Add in some empathy too! Wait and summarize. Let a moment of silence linger a bit, let it hang in the air. For in-person meetings, sit in a different chair each time, even next to the boss sometimes. Position yourself to see everyone else. If you are running the meeting use a circle of chairs – it cuts down on others doing their emails, enlivens active discussion, and keeps people awake. No need to be a chatterbox; just don’t be on ‘mute’ throughout.

The way to ask for feedback

When others compliment you on a speech, presentation, or contribution obviously say “thank you” but also follow up with “What did you like especially?” You will find a host of content that you said (and didn’t say!) in their answer.

Ask your boss why they hired you. Ask your customers why they buy from you. Ask your spouse why they stay with you. Ask your children their favorite memory of the two of you. And finally look soulfully into your dog’s eyes and ask why he loves you! (Be careful attempting this with cats!) Ask and you shall find an abundance of what makes you valuable, no need to guess.

Show real curiosity

Meetings and discussions are prime opportunities to make ourselves heard, but often hesitancy, embarrassment, and simple ignorance prevent us from saying anything.
 
I was recently with a group of men who were discussing a baseball game – their vast knowledge of the game was met with equal amounts of enthusiasm! My ‘sports chat’ however is limited to when I watch the Olympics every four years, and the odd demolition derby or two during the summer. I am quite literally clueless with nothing to contribute. So, I sat in silence occasionally nodding my head to show some semblance of, well, anything.
 
Being an extrovert, one can only do this for so long before breaking so I took a different approach. “You mentioned ______, the first baseman. In your opinion what makes him so special?” At that moment I was desperately hoping the guy was the first baseman! All of a sudden, an entirely new conversation began with me there too. The ‘guys’ all had an opinion… all I had to do was ask a few more questions out of real curiosity (and complete ignorance!) to be able to join in.
 
My inner expertise is curiosity, not baseball. This same skill allows me to communicate with executives, the homeless, snobs, us commoners, even with those I don’t like a whole lot! Phew, this time I made it out of a sports discussion with my self-esteem intact…and I even found out what a first baseman is supposed to do!

The importance of asking the other person what THEY think

I was recently reminded of the importance of asking the other person what they think, or what they want to know, not just telling them 'stuff' that is irrelevant to them. Watch this video to learn more.

The importance of personal connection

I was recently reminded of the importance of personal connection. Let me tell you about it...

Useful coaching questions for every day

“Tell me more about that…” and “How was that for you?” are useful coaching questions you can apply in every day conversations to help people to dive deeper into what they are saying, and more importantly to fully think through what they are saying.

Trust

Let's talk about TRUST! It can take a long time to gain, but is very quick to lose.

A revolutionary meeting idea

What a revolutionary meeting rule - are you brave enough to try it?

Networking at conferences

I met some wonderful new people at ACHE Congress this week which inspired today’s TOP TIP! Next time you’re at a conference, step out of your comfort zone! Introduce yourself to people you don’t know, because who knows what you will learn about them and from them. Watch this video to learn more...

Open ended questions

There’s something I’ve noticed on the TV and radio recently that drives me crazy, and it inspired today’s top tip! In an interview (or any conversation really!) ask open ended questions, don’t go on to give options of answers, confusing and restricting the other person’s response. Stay quiet and see what the other person has to say!

What to say when you're caught off guard

Do you have the same problem as me, and find it hard when something happens in a meeting or a conversation and you need to say the right thing FAST? Here’s a top tip to help deal with this situation. Let me know what you think!

Be a boss whisperer

Have you ever considered leading your boss? Now don’t tell them, but sometimes you will hear about “managing up” when in fact that seems to me to be short-sighted. What your boss, maybe every boss, needs is a fellow traveler to notice what they did well, to suggest a next step, to console, and to consider a possible ‘plan B’. Now make sure you don’t tell them you are mentoring them or leading them, no need for that. Instead take yourself out of your appointed role from time to time and instead of “speaking truth to power” consider your own power to speak to a fellow struggler, a fellow traveler, a fellow person who is doing the best they can at this very particular moment. They are just like you with all the fears and chaos and worries that you have. They might just need you to be their “boss whisperer.”

The importance of being specific with your feedback

I learned a lot from the time I spent with a group of Saudi Arabian doctors, nurses and administrators at the American College of Healthcare Executives Global Executive Program. My main take away was how specific and detailed the feedback they gave was. WOW! It almost made me tearful. It reminded me that I should be more specific about what I liked, learned and appreciated about interactions with people, whether at work, at home…in the airport! Try it this week and let me know how you get on!

It's all about the performance

One of my clients mentioned to me this past month that in their coursework they were striving not only for information, not only for behavior change, but also for ‘performance based’ courses. This may not be new to you but to me it represented an important word shift…knowledge, behavior, and performance.

My graduate students read to understand, we demonstrate to isolate useful behaviors, and we practice to get so good that our performance is second nature. Actors call it ‘muscle memory.’

Can you think of a time when you said the right thing at the right time, in the right way…and even you were surprised with the outcome!? Perhaps that went beyond what you knew, beyond how you behaved, and the ‘performance’ was the integration of it all. Behavior change is certainly good. Performance, well that may be something different and better altogether.

Be memorable

There is a classic “Family Guy” episode where the talking baby, Stewie, is looking at his mom Lois lying on the bed and repeats over and over again, “Lois, Lois, Lois, mom, mom, mom, mummy, mama...” He goes on and on! In the end Lois does acknowledge with irritation and Stewie runs off as if this was great fun. Anyone with children knows this scenario all too well!

At the airport last month, the scene repeated all the way through TSA, with the mother finally and exasperatedly saying, “What!?” The little boy after a pause said, “I forgot.”

Have you ever tried to get someone’s attention, perhaps not quite as Stewie did, but over and over again you are ignored? Especially on a job search this happens far too often. We hear, “Yes, send me your stuff!” And then, nothing! We send a polite reminder and…nothing. I wonder if maybe sometimes we are not showing enough interest in their stuff. To them it may be that Stewie has returned! Perhaps it can all begin with a devoted interest in them as we are pitching ourselves. Get them talking about their career, their choices, their challenges. That will be a memorable conversation which is exactly what we want…to be in their memory.