Do you always have to run the meeting?

Do you always have to run the meeting? What if you didn’t? What if two members of the team did it? One of my clients paired two warring members with a high-profile meeting where they were forced to cooperate. After a few of those meetings they became fast friends!

You really don’t have to do what THEY can do. If you're a leader, try this! Show up at the beginning of a team meeting with an inquiry about what everyone wants to accomplish, give some very brief perspective remarks, then leave! Returns for the final 15 minutes with innocent curiosity and lots of encouragement. Let me know how it goes!

The courage to be imperfect

Go to a traditional Montessori classroom and you will see a beehive of activity. You’ll actually need to look closely to find the teacher. They are great at fading into the walls, observing, briefly intervening, and then moving with grace and gentleness around the busy, busy classroom.

Could you attend a meeting with quiet attention? Can you let your team struggle with mistakes? Let the beehive happen and see then what happens to engagement, involvement, and the beauty of what Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs called “the courage to be imperfect.”

All of the great innovators were OK with early problems, errors, and even failures. Let your team experience the same as what the geniuses have.

The importance of words

Respecting someone by remembering their name isn't just courteous—it's a gateway to a meaningful connection. When you call someone by their name, it's not just a word; it's an honor, a recognition that they matter.

Watch this video to learn more, and drop your best name-remembering techniques below 👇 Let's transform every introduction into a lasting impression.

Don't take the lead for once!

As the leader of the group, the expert, the one with the experience it is quite tempting to weigh in early and often. It saves time, gets right to the point, and solves the problem.

Or does it? What if you weighed in last, used some words the others had used, responded to someone who needed some affirmation with a “Tell me more…” and even asked some “I wonder…” questions?

Of course, it is easy to judge who did their homework, who is the shining rising star, who is the pleaser, who shirks the spotlight; but what if instead of judging (in your mind or out loud) you simply say, “Isn’t that interesting!”

“And the reason I say that is…”

“And the reason I say that is…” I was recently reminded of how powerful it is to provide an explanation for your ideas. This small yet effective practice allows others to truly hear and contemplate your ideas before rushing to a quick 'yes' or 'no' response. Give it a shot in your next meeting, conversation with a colleague, or even when chatting with your spouse, and share your experience with me!

Develop a Flexible Reliable Routine!

·        Phone calls: “Is this a good time for you?”

·        One-on-one meetings: “I’d like to talk about what we are to accomplish here today and then invite you to tell me what you most want to have happen at the end of this meeting.”

·        Meetings with specialists: “Today, think of me as your student and you as my professor. I want to learn what I need to know that you already know.” (thanks to Mehmood Khan)

·        Meetings with students, residents, and observers: “What would you like to learn today?”

·        Meeting someone who is mad at you: “I am so appreciative of you coming today; how can we figure this out together?”

·        Meeting with your administrative assistants, department heads or nurses on the floor: “What do you know, that I don’t know, that I should know?”

·        End of meetings: “I’d like to take a moment to remind myself and all of us why we met today (for patients’ safety, for nurse morale, to secure the finances so we can continue our mission, etc.) Thanks to Dr Frank Dono, (RIP) from OhioHealth

·        When asked if you have a minute: “Yes, I have two but then I have to run off…want to schedule more time for later today?”

·        When you want to avoid a downer discussion of how things are not going well: “What have you noticed today that is better or different?” Then respond with “How did you/we get to make that happen?” (thanks to John Walter, ACSW and Nancy Belvisi, ACSW)

·        When you have reached your limit at home or at work and you know the next words coming out of your mouth will not be good: “Excuse me for a minute, I have to go to the bathroom!” Few will object or follow you (lock the door!) and you’ll have precious time to think! (thanks to Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs)

Do you have any you can add?

Make your discussions richer and more meaningful

Unlock the power of conversation with just three magic words: "And what else?" Try it out and watch how your discussions become richer and more meaningful. Watch this video to learn more!

Sarcasm

Sarcasm! From the Greek word literally translated: “To tear the flesh like dogs!” Our inner translation when we are sarcastic: “Funny insightful me!” The recipient’s inner experience: “Ouch!”

Sarcasm is common banter in our culture. Perhaps it is a kind of jousting while ostensibly jesting. But consider what it is like to be the target of the sarcasm. That might not be as welcomed. Equivalent to being in a courtroom: would you rather be the one asking the questions or the one in the witness box having to answer them? We can replace sarcasm with encouragement…or even kindness!

turn meetings into collaborative hubs of innovation!

Meetings don't have to be a one-way street. Instead of simply pushing your own agenda, let's make meetings more productive by PULLING in ideas from everyone around the table! Consider what matters most to your team and colleagues.

Watch this video to learn how to turn meetings into collaborative hubs of innovation!

The best icebreaker

Traditional icebreakers are often childish in nature, involving games and toys. Instead of that consider a way to help your team leave the chaos they came from (home, the last meeting, daycare drop off, etc.) and find an easy way to help them focus.

Here's an idea! Ask the simple, yet deep, question: “On a scale of 1-10, 10 is best…how are you feeling right now for this meeting?” Go around with numbers only. This gives you and the team a way to get the pulse of the group.

Once everyone has given their numbers, ask “Does anyone want to add anything?” And then, the secret of a great facilitator is to be quiet, look expectant, and silently start counting to yourself, “one thousand one, one thousand two, one thousand three…” If you get to eight or nine then move on. Remember your team needs time to respond to your request, time to think, time to decide to speak up.

This 1-10 can be used in many ways: “How confident are you that our budget is accurate?” or “How do you feel about the project?” etc.

Give it a try!

Dive right in

Are you still beginning your presentations with the classic line, 'You probably want to know a bit about me?' Stop right there! Your audience is eagerly anticipating the valuable content you're about to deliver. Dive right in, and capture their attention from the start! Watch this video to learn more...

What’s in a name?

I recently asked a friend when she is retiring. Her response: “I’m not retiring Kevin, I'm repurposing.’ And indeed, she is! It got me thinking about how we don’t have to wait to retire in order to repurpose. We can do it now!

How can we provide more to someone or some meeting or some initiative? Why do we always sit in the same place in our in-person meetings and what would happen if we didn’t? What if we followed up with an encouraging email to someone on the team who was brave today? Could we construct a new 90-day plan for ourselves that is at least a little more radically different than the previous one? And what new word do I want to give to a challenging person I lead who is too aggressive, impatient, always angry? Might they be determined? Focused? Fearful? If I did see them this way, how would I change how I understand them and deal with them?

It's an interesting idea right!? In the words of Shakespeare “What’s in a name?”

Trust your expertise

Do you have a presentation coming up? Trust your expertise! You don’t need written notes or even a slide deck! Just capture the audience’s attention and share your knowledge with them. Watch this video to learn more!

We're all thirsty to be heard

“Is it an oasis or a mirage?” is a quote from the movie, The Way Back. Set during World War II, the plot follows the incredible 4,000-mile on foot journey of a few escaped prisoners leaving Siberia, ending up in India. The quote was conflict for them since the ‘oasis’ was going west (or east!) when they needed to continue south. In the end, one brave soul simply started walking and others followed.

Firstly, how do we know? Secondly, how do we REALLY know? For some of us, we want 100% certainty before we take a step, for others 80% is plenty to make a decision with. Still for others, we are very, very happy when someone else makes the decision!

This is the point where courage, bravery as it were, comes in handy. When all eyes are fixed on one thing, what would happen if you moved your eyes to another and openly wondered? “I wonder if….” or “Could it be….” or “What would happen if…”

The conflicts and arguments are often about one thing with eyes fixed to see what they want to see. The leader in you - indeed, the brave in you - can muster a discussion, a conversation, instead of a heated argument with lasting mini resentments. After all we are not in the desert, just thirsty to be heard! What are your thoughts?

Describing What you Do

How would you describe your work as a picture? This is an interesting way to explain what you do with really simple language, removing all of the jargon! Watch this video to learn more and let me know what your picture would be in the comments!

Giving your opinion

Ever met an ‘opinionated person’? We all have opinions and pretty good ones at that! The question is not whether we are right but rather are we being useful.

Rudolph Dreikurs, the famous Chicago psychiatrist, advocated having the ‘courage to be imperfect’ as an antidote to our superiority of personal opinion among other things.

If you can’t help but give your opinion, start with a brief summary that encompasses the issue using the words of others, especially the words of those 180 degrees different than you.

“It seems to me that Dr. Shaw feels the anesthesia group is being systematically excluded from the decisions of the board…and I wonder if this inclusion could begin to be accomplished with an outside facilitator rather than at this meeting right now.” This might be a better response than, “I disagree that we have to do this at this meeting.”

Anytime you begin with “I disagree..." "Are you serious..." "Are you kidding me..." be very, very careful. Each of those statements activates the amygdala and you will be in for a fight, a flight, or a freeze…not a “We can figure this out together.”

A "Light touch"

Let's talk about my new favorite term: "Light touch". It's really helpful in many situations. Watch this video to learn more...

But...

Last week a member of a meeting mentioned the following about a physician that was not present, “He’s a really good surgeon, but…” Immediately a nurse spoke up with, “If you have to put a ‘but’ after his name…he’s not that good!” Awkward silence began!

Do you know some terrific people who have those three silent letters, ‘but’… after their name? True or not, deserved or not, even perfectly descriptive or not, that ‘but’ after their name not only hurts them, it hurts you: how you interact with them, speak about them, and judge them. Our presence is fully dependent on how we enhance the other’s presence.

If instead we add three letters, ‘AND’, after their name then the fullness of the life of the person, despite their flaws, enriches us with full presence.

Listen to how the word ‘but’ is used with people and ideas at meetings and how disconnective it can be. Do you have any examples you can share?

Presentation Slide Tips

Audiences can either READ or LISTEN…not both at the same time. Think about this when designing your presentation slides. Watch this video to learn more…

Pairing of words

Nido Qubein, President of High Point University, taught me the value of distinction. He made us think: do we want to be successful or significant? Creative or innovative? Focus on a ‘to do’ list or a ‘to be’ list?

I studied with him for over a decade (and about a decade ago!) and I still remember this pairing of words and concepts to help clarify intention, goals, and a deeper understanding of the human spirit. For example, ask yourself “Is this person angry or fearful?” or “Is this person hopeless or discouraged?” The wisdom I learned from him was not about binary thinking but about seeing the other side.

By being the 'word crafter' at your meetings you can help to both broaden and focus the discussion. Can you think of a time when this might have been useful for you?