Let me share some snippets of my expertise with you. I hope you find them useful and if you would like to chat more, just…
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Next time you watch a presentation, take a moment to share what you liked, learned, and appreciated about it. It’s a thoughtful way to acknowledge the speaker’s effort and spread positivity.
Let’s build each other up through support and kindness! Watch this video to learn more...
A core teaching of Adlerian psychology (from Alfred Adler, 1870-1937) emphasizes that we are all "social equals" and deserve respect. This does not mean we are identical, but rather that despite our differences, we share a common humanity and dignity. Deep down, we are more alike than we might think.
I once had a graduate student who consistently arrived late to class. When I asked him about it, he explained, "Oh, Mr. O'Connor, I get stuck talking to a homeless guy down the street." My immediate response, which I now regret, was, "You talk to homeless people?" His reply has stayed with me: "You know, I think you and I are maybe one life event away from being in his shoes." This made me realize the importance of seeing people for who they are, beyond their circumstances. Indeed, we are all more similar than we imagine.
A colleague, Char Wenc, once led a class for physician leaders where she asked them to pair up and take turns saying, "I'll bet we have ____ in common" or "I like ____, how about you?" Within minutes, most pairs discovered they had at least seven things in common, often more. We can find deep connections if we just take the time to ask, listen, and engage.
It's the little things that can add depth to your communication. Did you know that understanding the Latin roots of words can change how you perceive and use them? Check out this video to learn more and discover how language can help you communicate with more meaning.
Start spreading encouragement every day by saying these three simple things to those around you:
1️⃣ What you liked
2️⃣ What you learned
3️⃣ What you appreciated
Watch this video to learn more and let me know who you've encouraged today!
Taking time at the end of a meeting to reflect on everyone's key takeaways fosters true team learning. Each member will remember different key moments, enriching the collective understanding. Watch this video to learn more...
When you are asked by an outside group for a tour of your facility, don't just think of it as a marketing activity. Instead think of the audience. Who are they? What will help them solve their problem? Why did they pick your facility?
Do they really need to know how many trauma surgeries you did last year, or instead do they need to tour your trauma department and talk to the surgeons and nurses? Do they really need to endure the standard dog-and-pony PowerPoint program or do they actually need a time to have a robust Q&A with, not your CEO or CNO, but rather your most endearing ED nurse?
When you are asked for the tour, first find out what your visitors actually want and need.
When is the last time you took a risk? Calculated perhaps, but none the less risk. A leap of faith? A time you spoke up first at a meeting? A time when you silenced your usual meeting speech or even a time when you realized you didn’t need to be at that meeting at all!?
It’s amazing to look back over our lives and notice the risks we did take, the ones that worked and the ones that didn’t, and to then ask ourselves what we now know even more about ourselves.
Richard Rohr wrote, “It is never a straight line, but always three steps forward and two backward—and the backward creates much of the knowledge and impetus for the forward.”
“There you are!” Ever wondered about the vibe you bring when you enter a room? Your presence has power! Whether it's at work, home, or anywhere else, the energy you carry can truly light up the space. Next time you step into a room, remember, you've got the magic to make it brighter! Watch this video to learn more.
Have you ever considered leading your boss? What your boss, maybe every boss, needs is a fellow traveller to notice what they did well, to suggest a next step, to console, and to consider a possible ‘plan B’.
Make sure you don’t tell them you are mentoring them or leading them. Instead take yourself out of your appointed role from time to time and instead of “speaking truth to power” consider your own power to speak to a fellow struggler, a fellow traveller, a fellow person who is doing the best they can at this very particular moment.
They are just like you with all the fears and chaos and worries that you have. They might just need you to be their “boss whisperer”!
Make your weekly team meetings more effective by having everyone come together to solve each other’s problems. No more updates, no more reports, just real team working. Learn more in this video!
“Remember, solving a problem does not have to be the ultimate solution, it means we’re on the right track.”
One of my bosses (I’m a consultant so at any given time I have about 60 of them!) told his staff yesterday how to best communicate with him. Interesting!
Working Today?
How do you like and not like how to be communicated with…and do your people know?
Family Time Today?
How do you manage quiet time at your home, for you and for each person?
On Your Own Today?
How do those closest to you want you to show them? If you want…you could ask!
Recently, I was teaching an international class and using a common American expression. I said something to the effect of “I had a monkey on my back” meaning that I was burdened, had an annoyance hounding me, that I was upset. An African in the group looked puzzled by the analogy and I recognized I made the error of assuming that everyone used this expression. We spoke a bit as I explained the meaning. His eyes lit up and then he said, “Oh, your cow fell in the river!” With that common expression from his village, I felt completely understood. Empathy across cultures! Not the skill, but the experience. “Yea, my cow fell in the river!” (I imagine the entire village needing to help with that one!)
Working Today?
How do you recover when your cow gets stuck in the river. Ask for help? Do it yourself? What is your first impulse?
Family Time Today?
You might tell the little ones this story and have them draw it! For the older ones perhaps have everyone recall a time when they felt misunderstood.
On Your Own Today?
There is a Japanese psychologist who has a three-sided triangular piece on his table. One side says, “Poor Me!...the second side says, “Those bad people.” And the third has the quote, “So what am I going to do now?” When his clients come in, he hands them the triangle and says, “So what are we going to talk about today?”
I spent a weekend a few years ago at a blogger’s conference in Boise, Idaho. A 28-year-old mom of two made $1M last year blogging…about blogging! Another mom of three is on target to make $200,000 blogging about succulent plants (she is going to spin off cactus since she wants to further specialize…two years ago she didn’t know what succulent meant!); and yet another nets over $85,000 teaching other moms how to take pictures of their children!
The accomplished author Seth Godin was there but the really impressive people were the new bloggers, stars in their eyes not for money but for what Godin called their mission “to amplify and connect” with their audience. Each of them, the successful and the brand new (one that I met said she started 8 weeks ago and already made $500…and she said it as if it were $500,000!) Each of them had an area to teach and every single person I spoke to emphasized trust as the foundation of their success, their blog, and their reason for being. Their job was to engender trust with and for and to their own personal ‘community” of bloggers, succulent-ers, and moms.
Working Today?
How do you “amplify and connect” with others online or in person? How much are you aware that you are doing so, or do you wait for it to come naturally? These bloggers don’t wait.
Family Time Today?
Try picture time as if you were at a studio with a professional and let the kids even the little ones take some too.
On Your Own Today?
Speaking of blogging…one blogger specializes in restoring old trailers…like the kind you travel and live in. She’s been a devoted rehabber since her late teens, is admittedly a bit obsessive (!), and makes money doing this since there are apparently other people who do this too or at least like reading about someone who does. What is one of your quirks? There are more like you out there!?
One of my physician groups is now beginning procedures with:
On a scale of 1-10 (10 best) how do you feel today and why? (Only say 'why' if you want). The leader goes first and I tell them not be “10” all the time. After the leader has listened to their team's answers, they say something along the lines of “Thank you…I appreciate knowing how you are today because we are here today for Mrs/Mr _____ and I want to make sure that as a team we bring our best selves to them. Knowing how you feel will help us all be aware.”
Working Today?
How do you know how your team is doing…beyond the usual “How are you?” or “Are we good?” or simply not asking at all. When we greet each other, look into the eyes, the “windows of the soul” as Shakespeare put it. When we are emotionally aware of ourselves and of others, without judgment, we are in a better position to know the important self that others bring to work that can help or hinder.
Family Time Today?
This might be fun depending on the age of your children…ask: "what animal you are feeling like today?" and get them to impersonate the animal. What does that tell you about how they are feeling? Brave like a lion? Strong as an ox? Wise like an owl?
On Your Own Today?
And you knew this was coming…1-10 for you? And why? And just for fun, what animal do you feel like? Self-awareness is a very good thing!
I met an Army helicopter instructor whose job it was to teach new helicopter pilots how to fly…at night! He began every time with “How do you feel tonight?” He often got enthusiastic responses, excitement, “feeling jazzed,” and the like. To which he would say, “Up there where we are going in the dark of this night there are no marriage problems, no money issues, there is no room for anything except you and me and this machine and the mission…are you ready now?” Soberly he would get direct eye contact with a “Yes, sir.” Focus. Alignment. Ready. As if their lives depended on it!
Working Today?
There is some fun that work will bring you today. Some excitement too. Allow the joy to happen without judgment…savor it. At your work today it is possible that the people, or that one person you truly connect with will be your sole mission, not in the dark but in the light of awareness.
Family Time Today?
Try a family discussion over dinner: “What supersedes any activity or work or routine? Is it family, loyalty, devotion, understanding?”
On Your Own Today?
It might be fun to take your own imaginary helicopter ride…what would you see? Who would you take? How ‘with’ them would you be?
Lester Thurow was an economist who took the complex to the masses. After Jimmy Carter did not appoint him as his economic advisor Thurow said, “I decided that if I could not have the king’s ear, I would talk to the public,” …he was the early advocate who warned about the gap between the very rich and the very poor; an unsustainable tension. He too was criticized for being bold and having a bold message 20 years before the debate we now confront.
Working Today?
Notice who is working for you, with you, and alongside of you today and consider what life is like for them. Rich and poor, same and different, soft and hard…who are these people and what is life like for them?
Family Time Today?
Maybe a good time to talk to your children about the topic again without judgment but just awareness…what is life like for this person?
On Your Own Today?
Where have you come from? What was life like for your parents, grandparents, and great grandparents? Who did what that allowed you to be who you are?
The father of physician hand washing in the mid-1800’s, Ignaz Semmelweis, was right that doctors should wash their hands before they deliver babies. This even reduced death and infection to less than 1%, and yet he was roundly critiqued by his fellow physicians since he couldn’t say why it worked…later Louis Pasteur had to do that with the discovery of germ theory. But Ignaz was the guy who knew he was right and did it anyway. He boldly moved forward anyway despite the criticism and women and babies lived because of it. Even his wife didn’t agree, and he wound up in what was then called an insane asylum!
Working Today?
What are you noticing that seems a bit out of whack? Even small things can take our notice when we decide to notice. Not to nit-pick, but instead to see what stands in our way, clutters our view, or is just unnecessary. Meetings can fall into this category or even parts of meetings. Stay alert. It is highly unlikely your spouse will commit you to a full-time living arrangement under guard.
Family Time Today?
Here you can have some fun doing things differently. I’m a fan of taking the family to Denny’s for dinner and order dessert first! This your spouse may consider weird till your spouse sees the love and affection your children of any age pour on you!
On Your Own Today?
Take some time to examine the day at the end of the day. The who, what, and why of the day, the good and the bad…now just let it pass by you with as little judgment about yourself as possible.
A friend of mine was studying ministry on the West coast early in his career. He was engaged in a required set of courses, Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) which was conducted at the hospital where he was a chaplain in training. CPE is more than your typical course: you are the chaplain on duty, often for 24 hours sleeping at the hospital, if you can. One of the first experiences required of him and his class was that they were to watch an autopsy. CPE wants to get chaplains ready to work with death since this will be a daily part of their job. He told me that he dreaded this experience. He was worried that he would become ill, embarrassed, and wanted very much not to do this!
The physician entered the room, the body was draped with a white cloth, and the students were lined up on the other side of the table. The doctor said: “Today we will perform an autopsy on a body, a body that belongs to a family, a family that is desperate for answers. Our job, our work, is to help them find those answers. These tools and our skills will help us help them. The gift we will give them is the gift of understanding, perhaps a form of closure. Shall we begin?”
My friend said that to his surprise, he leaned forward and watched with rapt attention. The physician had not only helped him understand the procedure; the physician was empathizing with the family.
Working Today?
So what changed? Still an autopsy, still a body, still not pretty! His attitude, his understanding, his ‘why’ changed and that changed everything. At work today, what might need some changing for your way of looking at things? Maybe take a different way to work today, sit in a different place, or talk to a different (or difficult!) person. And consider being empathic.
Family Time Today?
It has been said that people don’t mind change; they mind being changed! The famous psychiatrist, Rudolf Dreikurs, advised that we can never require cooperation; we can only win it. With that in mind, especially in times of conflict with a five year old or your spouse, how can you win their cooperation…instead of trying to win!
On Your Own Today?
Empathy is a psychological skill, a skill we use to deepen relationships. It is also an experience of the spirit. To see and use empathy as a skill only would be as a surgeon uses a scalpel. Just as the surgeon’s skills with the scalpel are important, so are the surgeon’s understanding and sensitivity. She uses the skill for a greater purpose.
One of the two most precious things in our life: time. We will never get even one minute back and we are never quite sure if we even have one more. One of the companies I work with has leadership ‘stand up’ meetings where the assignment is:
- What’s been better or different lately? (This question avoids complaining)
- What are you working on that we need to know about? (This invites interest)
- What help do you need from the rest of us? (This promotes teamwork)
Working Today?
For your next meeting try this strategy…well, maybe for your next 6 meetings (change is hard for people!)
Longest meeting? 29 minutes!
Normal one? 20 minutes!
Try figuring out what isn’t needed in those usual one hour meetings...not necessarily a faster meeting but a better meeting in a shorter time.
Family Time Today?
What question do you usually use to open up a family dinner discussion? Try a different one next time. “What did you do in school today?” is so 50’s! What if you asked “OK folks I’m going to tell you 2 truths and a lie…which are the truths?”
On Your Own Today?
Which ‘lie’ would you have liked to have actually done? What is stopping you from making it a truth?
When I did some post graduate work at Loyola University’s Medical School our professor always put things in four categories that were easy to remember: Trust, Touch, Time, and Talk. These were her components for every encounter, clinical or interpersonal, administrative, or even marriage and family. When Dr. Renshaw died this was part of her legacy. Unfortunately, she did not train an associate to take over her clinic and so all we are left with is this important memory of her words for us. She was very bold and stirred things up when she was practicing, a real powerhouse of boldness and elegant simplicity.
Working Today?
Write down each of the 4 T’s on a note card and then simply today consider each as you encounter your next patient, staff, colleague, and even service person. What is required of you if you remember Dr. Renshaw’s prompts?
Family Time Today?
Which particular “T” is most appropriate for a family member today…not what they have to do for you…but you for them.
On Your Own Today?
Trust yourself just a bit more today than you usually do…and then see what happens.
