A friend of mine was studying ministry on the West coast early in his career. He was engaged in a required set of courses, Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) which was conducted at the hospital where he was a chaplain in training. CPE is more than your typical course: you are the chaplain on duty, often for 24 hours sleeping at the hospital, if you can. One of the first experiences required of him and his class was that they were to watch an autopsy. CPE wants to get chaplains ready to work with death since this will be a daily part of their job. He told me that he dreaded this experience. He was worried that he would become ill, embarrassed, and wanted very much not to do this!
The physician entered the room, the body was draped with a white cloth, and the students were lined up on the other side of the table. The doctor said: “Today we will perform an autopsy on a body, a body that belongs to a family, a family that is desperate for answers. Our job, our work, is to help them find those answers. These tools and our skills will help us help them. The gift we will give them is the gift of understanding, perhaps a form of closure. Shall we begin?”
My friend said that to his surprise, he leaned forward and watched with rapt attention. The physician had not only helped him understand the procedure; the physician was empathizing with the family.
Working Today?
So what changed? Still an autopsy, still a body, still not pretty! His attitude, his understanding, his ‘why’ changed and that changed everything. At work today, what might need some changing for your way of looking at things? Maybe take a different way to work today, sit in a different place, or talk to a different (or difficult!) person. And consider being empathic.
Family Time Today?
It has been said that people don’t mind change; they mind being changed! The famous psychiatrist, Rudolf Dreikurs, advised that we can never require cooperation; we can only win it. With that in mind, especially in times of conflict with a five year old or your spouse, how can you win their cooperation…instead of trying to win!
On Your Own Today?
Empathy is a psychological skill, a skill we use to deepen relationships. It is also an experience of the spirit. To see and use empathy as a skill only would be as a surgeon uses a scalpel. Just as the surgeon’s skills with the scalpel are important, so are the surgeon’s understanding and sensitivity. She uses the skill for a greater purpose.