I was heard

Thanks to parent educator Dr. Michael Popkin for this quote: “Democracy means you may not get your way, but you will get your say.”

If you lead a team, yes you can muffle them if you dare, cut them off, attempt to manipulate the agenda for speed…but you will always pay the price in their resentment, often silent and deadly, representing how disrespected they feel. A quiet team member is a dangerous one for you, for the effort, and for themselves.

This doesn't mean we vote on everything, nor does it mean that we all have to agree. It simply means your team members should leave any meeting with the phrase above all phrases in their heart: “I was heard.”

Playfulness

Recently, while out driving, I came across some amusing sights that sparked a thought: What if we brought more playfulness into our professional and personal lives?

Imagine the impact of infusing a playful spirit at work, with our families, and even in how we treat ourselves. Playfulness isn't just about humor; it's about approaching life with a lighter heart, a willingness to laugh, and an openness to the unexpected joys around us.

Let's embrace a bit more playfulness in our daily routines. It could be the key to not only brighter days but also more creative and fulfilling experiences in all aspects of our lives. Watch this video to learn more and let me know what you think!

The exit sign

Yesterday, a priest friend shared with me a heartwarming anecdote from his recent experience. After guiding a group of fourth graders through a tour of a grand, historic cathedral, he asked them to reflect on what they found most memorable from the 45-minute journey.

To his surprise, one young boy singled out the "EXIT" sign as his standout memory. Initially thinking the boy was being cheeky, the priest curiously inquired, "And why the EXIT sign?" The boy's response was unexpectedly profound. He said, "It seems to me that we're only in this place for a short while, but the truly significant part is what we do when we 'exit'." His insightful comment beautifully captured the essence of life's transient nature and the lasting impact of our actions.

This Thanksgiving I am most thankful for those of you who have made an impact on me, as well as those who have actually exited from your place of worship, your home, or your LinkedIn Feed, in order to be present to me and mine.

Happy happy Thanksgiving to you all!

Three impactful questions

As coaches, mentors, or leaders, one of our key roles is to unlock the potential in others. The right questions can be powerful tools in this process. Here are three impactful questions that can help get to the core of what someone truly needs from us:

1️⃣ "What’s THE real challenge for you now?"
This question cuts through the noise and helps focus on the immediate, primary issue at hand.

2️⃣ "And what else?"
This prompts deeper reflection, encouraging a broader exploration of challenges and perspectives.

3️⃣ "What do you want?"
A simple yet profound question that drives clarity of purpose and goals.

By asking these questions, we can more accurately pinpoint the heart of the matter, facilitating more effective and meaningful support.

Try incorporating these into your next coaching or mentoring session and see how they transform the conversation.

Capturing the magic

Ever thought of capturing the magic of your team's ideas during meetings? Start jotting down those brilliant quotes and affirmations your team members share.

Imagine the impact of sending out a quick recap within an hour of the meeting, highlighting these golden moments. It's a small gesture that makes each person feel seen and valued - after all, hearing our names spoken and seeing them in print is always special.

Yes, crafting this memo takes a bit of time, but the investment in recognizing and celebrating your team's contributions is invaluable. It's not just a recap; it's a morale booster and a testament to your leadership. Give it a try and watch the positive vibes grow!

The Power of Words!

Be mindful of the words people choose and how they use them. Each word carries weight and meaning—crafted by the user. This week, make a point of really listening to someone’s chosen words. And for yourself, speak thoughtfully, write with intention, and observe the impact your words have.

Do you always have to run the meeting?

Do you always have to run the meeting? What if you didn’t? What if two members of the team did it? One of my clients paired two warring members with a high-profile meeting where they were forced to cooperate. After a few of those meetings they became fast friends!

You really don’t have to do what THEY can do. If you're a leader, try this! Show up at the beginning of a team meeting with an inquiry about what everyone wants to accomplish, give some very brief perspective remarks, then leave! Returns for the final 15 minutes with innocent curiosity and lots of encouragement. Let me know how it goes!

The courage to be imperfect

Go to a traditional Montessori classroom and you will see a beehive of activity. You’ll actually need to look closely to find the teacher. They are great at fading into the walls, observing, briefly intervening, and then moving with grace and gentleness around the busy, busy classroom.

Could you attend a meeting with quiet attention? Can you let your team struggle with mistakes? Let the beehive happen and see then what happens to engagement, involvement, and the beauty of what Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs called “the courage to be imperfect.”

All of the great innovators were OK with early problems, errors, and even failures. Let your team experience the same as what the geniuses have.

The importance of words

Respecting someone by remembering their name isn't just courteous—it's a gateway to a meaningful connection. When you call someone by their name, it's not just a word; it's an honor, a recognition that they matter.

Watch this video to learn more, and drop your best name-remembering techniques below 👇 Let's transform every introduction into a lasting impression.

Don't take the lead for once!

As the leader of the group, the expert, the one with the experience it is quite tempting to weigh in early and often. It saves time, gets right to the point, and solves the problem.

Or does it? What if you weighed in last, used some words the others had used, responded to someone who needed some affirmation with a “Tell me more…” and even asked some “I wonder…” questions?

Of course, it is easy to judge who did their homework, who is the shining rising star, who is the pleaser, who shirks the spotlight; but what if instead of judging (in your mind or out loud) you simply say, “Isn’t that interesting!”

“And the reason I say that is…”

“And the reason I say that is…” I was recently reminded of how powerful it is to provide an explanation for your ideas. This small yet effective practice allows others to truly hear and contemplate your ideas before rushing to a quick 'yes' or 'no' response. Give it a shot in your next meeting, conversation with a colleague, or even when chatting with your spouse, and share your experience with me!

Develop a Flexible Reliable Routine!

·        Phone calls: “Is this a good time for you?”

·        One-on-one meetings: “I’d like to talk about what we are to accomplish here today and then invite you to tell me what you most want to have happen at the end of this meeting.”

·        Meetings with specialists: “Today, think of me as your student and you as my professor. I want to learn what I need to know that you already know.” (thanks to Mehmood Khan)

·        Meetings with students, residents, and observers: “What would you like to learn today?”

·        Meeting someone who is mad at you: “I am so appreciative of you coming today; how can we figure this out together?”

·        Meeting with your administrative assistants, department heads or nurses on the floor: “What do you know, that I don’t know, that I should know?”

·        End of meetings: “I’d like to take a moment to remind myself and all of us why we met today (for patients’ safety, for nurse morale, to secure the finances so we can continue our mission, etc.) Thanks to Dr Frank Dono, (RIP) from OhioHealth

·        When asked if you have a minute: “Yes, I have two but then I have to run off…want to schedule more time for later today?”

·        When you want to avoid a downer discussion of how things are not going well: “What have you noticed today that is better or different?” Then respond with “How did you/we get to make that happen?” (thanks to John Walter, ACSW and Nancy Belvisi, ACSW)

·        When you have reached your limit at home or at work and you know the next words coming out of your mouth will not be good: “Excuse me for a minute, I have to go to the bathroom!” Few will object or follow you (lock the door!) and you’ll have precious time to think! (thanks to Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs)

Do you have any you can add?

Make your discussions richer and more meaningful

Unlock the power of conversation with just three magic words: "And what else?" Try it out and watch how your discussions become richer and more meaningful. Watch this video to learn more!

Sarcasm

Sarcasm! From the Greek word literally translated: “To tear the flesh like dogs!” Our inner translation when we are sarcastic: “Funny insightful me!” The recipient’s inner experience: “Ouch!”

Sarcasm is common banter in our culture. Perhaps it is a kind of jousting while ostensibly jesting. But consider what it is like to be the target of the sarcasm. That might not be as welcomed. Equivalent to being in a courtroom: would you rather be the one asking the questions or the one in the witness box having to answer them? We can replace sarcasm with encouragement…or even kindness!

turn meetings into collaborative hubs of innovation!

Meetings don't have to be a one-way street. Instead of simply pushing your own agenda, let's make meetings more productive by PULLING in ideas from everyone around the table! Consider what matters most to your team and colleagues.

Watch this video to learn how to turn meetings into collaborative hubs of innovation!

The best icebreaker

Traditional icebreakers are often childish in nature, involving games and toys. Instead of that consider a way to help your team leave the chaos they came from (home, the last meeting, daycare drop off, etc.) and find an easy way to help them focus.

Here's an idea! Ask the simple, yet deep, question: “On a scale of 1-10, 10 is best…how are you feeling right now for this meeting?” Go around with numbers only. This gives you and the team a way to get the pulse of the group.

Once everyone has given their numbers, ask “Does anyone want to add anything?” And then, the secret of a great facilitator is to be quiet, look expectant, and silently start counting to yourself, “one thousand one, one thousand two, one thousand three…” If you get to eight or nine then move on. Remember your team needs time to respond to your request, time to think, time to decide to speak up.

This 1-10 can be used in many ways: “How confident are you that our budget is accurate?” or “How do you feel about the project?” etc.

Give it a try!

Dive right in

Are you still beginning your presentations with the classic line, 'You probably want to know a bit about me?' Stop right there! Your audience is eagerly anticipating the valuable content you're about to deliver. Dive right in, and capture their attention from the start! Watch this video to learn more...

What’s in a name?

I recently asked a friend when she is retiring. Her response: “I’m not retiring Kevin, I'm repurposing.’ And indeed, she is! It got me thinking about how we don’t have to wait to retire in order to repurpose. We can do it now!

How can we provide more to someone or some meeting or some initiative? Why do we always sit in the same place in our in-person meetings and what would happen if we didn’t? What if we followed up with an encouraging email to someone on the team who was brave today? Could we construct a new 90-day plan for ourselves that is at least a little more radically different than the previous one? And what new word do I want to give to a challenging person I lead who is too aggressive, impatient, always angry? Might they be determined? Focused? Fearful? If I did see them this way, how would I change how I understand them and deal with them?

It's an interesting idea right!? In the words of Shakespeare “What’s in a name?”

Trust your expertise

Do you have a presentation coming up? Trust your expertise! You don’t need written notes or even a slide deck! Just capture the audience’s attention and share your knowledge with them. Watch this video to learn more!

We're all thirsty to be heard

“Is it an oasis or a mirage?” is a quote from the movie, The Way Back. Set during World War II, the plot follows the incredible 4,000-mile on foot journey of a few escaped prisoners leaving Siberia, ending up in India. The quote was conflict for them since the ‘oasis’ was going west (or east!) when they needed to continue south. In the end, one brave soul simply started walking and others followed.

Firstly, how do we know? Secondly, how do we REALLY know? For some of us, we want 100% certainty before we take a step, for others 80% is plenty to make a decision with. Still for others, we are very, very happy when someone else makes the decision!

This is the point where courage, bravery as it were, comes in handy. When all eyes are fixed on one thing, what would happen if you moved your eyes to another and openly wondered? “I wonder if….” or “Could it be….” or “What would happen if…”

The conflicts and arguments are often about one thing with eyes fixed to see what they want to see. The leader in you - indeed, the brave in you - can muster a discussion, a conversation, instead of a heated argument with lasting mini resentments. After all we are not in the desert, just thirsty to be heard! What are your thoughts?