Resist Sarcasm

From the Greek word literally translated: “To tear the flesh like dogs!” Our inner translation when we are sarcastic: “Funny insightful me!”  The recipient’s inner experience: “Ouch!” This is common banter in our culture, especially among men. Perhaps it is a kind of jousting while ostensibly jesting. But consider what it is like to be the target of the sarcasm. That might not be as welcomed. Equivalent to being in a courtroom: would you rather be the one asking the questions or the one in the witness box having to answer them? We can replace sarcasm with encouragement…or even kindness!

Encourage, encourage, encourage…but rarely praise

Praise is a judgment of another person as if we are giving out Olympic medals. “You are a great student” or “You are the best (of this or that)” There is nothing essentially wrong with praise, other than it is easily dismissed by the other. “I’m not that great!” might be the response. The same if you compliment others on their presentation, hair, clothes, etc. Again, nothing wrong with it but instead try the skill of encouragement: “I noticed how hard you worked on that assignment” or “I felt inspired by the way the team rallied when Shanita was in the hospital.”  Encouragement speaks to effort, movement, strength, and faith in the person. Encouragement then can be used even when failure is right around the corner. Olympic beach volleyball players high five and hug after every play, even the plays that have gone wrong.  “I know this is really difficult for you and I want you to know that based on who I have seen you to be, I have a great deal of faith that you will do your best.” Consider the difference between these two statements after someone gives a great presentation: “Nice job, great speech.” Or “I must tell you how much I liked the way you emphasized the importance of the nurses in collaboration with the physicians in the ICU last week.”

Take Advantage of Unexpected Personal Moments

Our ‘work’ (no doubt replying to emails!) should never take preference over our department visits, our rounding with our physicians and nurses, or even showing up on the midnight shift unexpectedly, but with pizzas in hand…of course! Has a relative of your staff died? Attend the wake. In the hospital, sure you can send flowers, but make the note attached really special…not the words of your administration assistant, but heartfelt words from YOU.

Develop a Flexible Reliable Routine

Phone calls: “Is this a good time for you?”

End of meetings: “Let’s take five minutes to talk about how effective this meeting was and what we can do better next time.”

One-on-one meetings: “I’d like to talk about what we are to accomplish here today and then invite you to tell me what you most want to have happen at the end of this meeting.”

Meetings with specialists: “Today, think of me as your student and you as my professor. I want to learn what I need to know that you already know.” (thanks to Mehmood Khan)

Meetings with students, residents, and observers: “What would you like to learn today?”

Meeting with your boss or your boss’ boss: “How can I help today?”

Meeting someone who is mad at you: “I am so appreciative of you coming today; how can we figure this out together?”

Meeting with your administrative assistants, department heads or nurses on the floor: “What do you know, that I don’t know, that I should know?”

End of meetings: “I’d like to take a moment to remind myself and all of us why we met today (for patients’ safety, for nurse morale, to secure the finances so we can continue our mission, etc.) Thanks to Dr Frank Dono, (RIP) from OhioHealth

When asked if you have a minute: “Yes, I have two but then I have to run off…want to schedule more time for later today?”

When you want to avoid a downer discussion of how things are not going well: “What have you noticed today that is better or different?” (Then respond with “How did you/we get to make that happen?”  (thanks to John Walter, ACSW and Nancy Belvisi, ACSW)

When you have reached your limit at home or at work and you know the next words coming out of your mouth will not be good for any living thing: “Excuse me for a minute, I have to go to the bathroom!” Few will object or follow you (lock the door!) and you’ll have precious time to think!  (thanks to Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs)

The Art of Engagement - Avoid Icebreakers, Thaw instead!

Traditional icebreakers are often childish in nature, involving games and toys. Instead of that consider a way to help your team leave the chaos they came from (home, the last meeting, daycare drop off, etc.) and find an easy way to help them focus. One way is the simple yet also deep question, “On a scale of 1-10, 10 is best…how are you feeling right now for this meeting?” Go around with numbers only. This gives you and the team a way to get the pulse of the group. Once everyone has given their numbers, ask “Does anyone want to add anything?” And then, the secret of a great facilitator is to be quiet, look expectant, and silently start counting to yourself, “one thousand one, one thousand two, one thousand three…” If you get to eight or nine then move on. Remember your team needs time to respond to your request, time to think, time to decide to speak up. This 1-10 can be used in many ways: “How confident are you that our budget is accurate?” or “How do you feel about the project?” etc. Physicians are taught to take their own blood pressure before taking that of the patient, meaning to walk in the room aware, renewed, open. Facilitative leaders need to do the same.

TIP 7 FOR BEING A FEARLESS FACILITATOR

Some common wisdom floating around for the past several years has been the importance of everyone having an “elevator speech” ready for use. Roughly translated, an elevator speech is something you can say about yourself to another person in the space of a ten to twenty floor ride upstairs. Somehow this is supposed to help identify you, your core values, your mission, and your ability to somehow be of value to the other person. To me it comes across as akin to projectile vomiting…and with the same result!

Another common wisdom is the concept of the “value proposition.” This value proposition is defined as “what have you done, or will do, for me lately?” In this proposition we are supposed to again define our value for the customer, client, patient, or our target audience.  Meeting after meeting, numerous conversations are filled with this now common phrase. Somehow, someway, we should be able to define value for the other.

Both of these concepts seem to me to be misguided attempts to do what the client, customer, patient, or target is supposed to do, not what we are to do. When we recognize that it is the other who defines the value, who are the value interpreters, then we clearly see that we are not the value definers.

So, the elevator may be an opportunity to engage, to ask, to be interested…not to ‘project.’

Collaboration, cooperation, and conversation are born out of our interest in the other, not in our self-interested self. It is one thing to be confronted with a billboard or an elevator video advertising on and on about fast food; quite another to be stuck with someone doing the same thing about themselves.

Consider what is at stake. In the matter of a few moments, most of us know whether we want to continue to be in a relationship with a stranger, a friend, or foe. Walk into any meeting and you pretty much know who you are going to sit next to and why. We even continually sit in exactly the same chair for each and every meeting. We do this so we won’t have to move out of our comfort zone, have to engage in talk with someone we may not like, or give up our zone of control. In short, we interpret the value of the other, even of the environment in which we are based, on a few short moments of stimuli.

Wouldn’t you want your customer, your patient, or your boss to be able to make the best possible interpretation about your value as soon as possible?

TIP 6 FOR BEING A FEARLESS FACILITATOR

Have you noticed lately that not everyone responds to your emails? Or to your voice mails? Sometimes not even to your visits?! Yet we feel we need the response, the involvement, and the approval of these very people. 

In short, we want to influence them, but they seem impervious to our attentions.

Real influence is not about persuading them to like us. Nor is it about schmoozing or selling. Nor is it about charisma. Instead, we want to be like a GPS for their destination: a reassuring voice that plots not only the final goal but someone who also offers turn-by-turn advice that keeps them on track.

Real influence is therefore about power, and our own attitude about power is essential for our influence to be felt in order to be effective. Sometimes we conceive power to be all about strength, status, and survival of the fittest. In fact, it is not about that at all. Many of our strongest leaders embody what influence and power are really about: access.

Whether we are of high or low status, each one of us decides to pay attention to the other person based on our memory of them, their relevance to us, or their ability to help us move our agenda forward. When you show up in someone else’s mental contact list, your influence comes from the relationship you have developed with them, and in fact, the memories you created in their mind.

A veteran newspaperman in Chicago, who dropped out of school at age 16, shared that his role as a reporter gave him access to the strong and famous, few of whom knew of his lack of academic preparation. Those who did know didn’t really care. They returned his call because of his position, his way, his influence: what he could do for them.

The same is true of us and of our influence. When the other person perceives that we have them in mind, their memory is triggered, and our call is more likely to be returned.

In order to have friends, we must be a good friend. Not just for business but for friendship. One of my colleagues writes handwritten thank you notes, another physician colleague writes letters of encouragement to all staff every St. Valentine’s Day, noting three distinct things that impressed her over the past year, another physician leader does the same but writes it to the employee’s children and spouse and mails it to their home!

Influence is facilitated with the power of the individual, for the individual.

TIP 5 FOR BEING A FEARLESS FACILITATOR

We help others the most when our focus is on them, and ironically when we focus clearly on others, this is when we get what we want from our interaction with them. We cannot focus on them in order for us to ‘get’; we only ‘get’ when our focus is on them for them to ‘get’. This is an important distinction—and a distinction that is oh so rarely experienced.

It is easy and natural to only be concerned about ourselves. It is therefore a remarkable event for an audience when our focus is on them exclusively. Can you remember the last time this happened to you at work? Or at home? Or anywhere? Facebook seems very focused on opinions as facts, self (and selfies!) instead of others, and too few questions, inquiries, and curiosities.

In person (and maybe on your Facebook posts) you can focus closely with attentiveness, paraphrasing, questions, and with curious interest. So, the next time you are called upon to facilitate a meeting prepare by thinking not of what you will do or say but on what needs to be talked about among the group. Then help them get there with simple questions, increasing curiosity, small group interaction, full participation, and time.

TIP 4 FOR BEING A FEARLESS FACILITATOR

We value others who can help us. We do not instinctively value those who are smarter, better, especially those who say that they are! We value what we value, not who or what they want us to value. As Nido Qubein from High Point University advises: we the audience members, not the presenter, are the value interpreters.

This may seem like common sense but consider how some experts treat you, your teams or their audiences. Some consider themselves as full vessels, filling up the empty vessels…us!
This mindset of how we approach others signifies how we regard and value them. This has impact immediately. Have you ever felt talked down to by someone? How quickly did you recognize this was happening? This is called vertical communication with the superior one on the top and the inferior one on the bottom. This was a traditional teaching technique for physicians in residency where they would be grilled by the senior doctor, often then leaving them feeling less than adequate, humiliated, or worse!

But the successful facilitator speaks on a horizontal plane. If I can get the other to articulate what they think, feel and know, then I as the facilitator will be in a better position to teach, discuss, and encourage with mutual respect. To do this however, means to give up the natural urge to be on top. Instead, it means you are willing to listen, to really hear, and perhaps to learn yourself. Fearless facilitators who work on the horizontal plane learn something new every day, even about the area in which they are the expert!

For example, those resisting the Covid vaccines need to be first listened to, not preached at. Like our children, our spouses, our colleagues we all act in a logical way - a privately logical way as Alfred Adler taught. It may not make sense to everyone else, but it makes sense to me. Given the time and the respect, being listened to can provide an opportunity to consider change.

In our corporate meetings the same is true. Facilitate what is privately logical, listen, allow for input, allow for diversity of thinking. This is the gift of facilitation. No motivational speech is really motivational unless it allows me to change my own mind.

TIP 3 FOR BEING A FEARLESS FACILITATOR

Next time you are invited to speak, especially to those in power, take the advice of @Todd Williamson, Vice President, Data Generation & Observational Studies, Bayer HealthCare - ”Don’t!” He cautions this especially with the executive level audience.

Presenting to them requires them to make a decision, a decision you may not have intended or even want. “You were hired to lead, so lead” he says with years of wisdom behind the words.  It reminded me of “It’s better to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission.” Consider taking the load off those above by executing it with your team. What’s the worst that could happen?! Todd says, “Lead. That’s what you were hired for.”

But what if you accept the invitation? Rather than tell them only what you think, help them understand what they think. Bring new ideas, and even more importantly, new approaches to the new ideas by helping them discover what is within. This is the gift and the skill of the facilitator whether in house or an outside professional. They know that the secret sauce lies before them within the group itself. While individual leaders may make a decision independently; the best ones come from the group effort of coming together.

TIP 2 FOR BEING A FEARLESS FACILITATOR

I really do wonder if the audience needs or wants another traditional motivational speech, either from a professional or from their boss. My experience with my primary audience (physician leaders and healthcare executives) is that they are looking for the wisdom within the audience, within themselves. I get hired to help draw this out, to provide opportunities for audience members to interact in a substantial way, and to create a safe environment for them to do so. When we facilitate well, it can appear easy. Perhaps like watching a professional golfer take a swing. Is it really that different from my swing? Only in the outcome! What the great facilitators, colleagues and bosses do is use a set of skills allowing them to listen with a third ear, see with a fourth eye, and speak less than everyone else. They know they are not only the beauty of the swing of the club. They produce the outcome. The outcome that comes from within the others.

Tip 1 for being a Fearless Facilitator

A few years ago, on a plane a seatmate asked what I did for a living. I said, “I’m a professional speaker.” He said, “Motivational?” My response even surprised me!... “I hope so!” We both had a good laugh! This series is devoted to a change I’m noticing in audiences - they may not be looking for what you think they are looking for. So here’s my tips for fearless facilitation.

Let’s start off with the definition of a facilitator: one who helps to bring about an outcome (including learning, productivity, or communication) by providing indirect or unobtrusive assistance, guidance, or supervision.

Think about the last time a presenter really helped open up a discussion and then made it easy for everyone to participate. For some presenters, it is much easier and seemingly safer to just keep talking. When have you felt safe in a meeting to say what you wanted to say and perhaps more importantly what needed to be said?

Presenters, participants, and leaders who engage in these situations are courageous because they give up the traditional control of an audience, or of a team, or even of a conversational partner, and allow the other to talk, question, and even disagree.

While this may not seem like a big deal, consider the last time you knew that what you were saying was about to be challenged, disagreed with, or even met with a sarcastic or caustic remark. How did you feel? More to the point, how did you proceed?

Those who facilitate a conversation take the courageous route, a fearless route, not without risk of course. Opening yourself to a contribution especially in a presentation can appear risky since you really don’t know what the other will say. Focusing closely on the other person whilst putting your own ideas on the back burner can require great focus and great patience. Even when we allow others to talk in small groups, do we really always have to know what they said? Or if they were on task? Or what they said about us? It is only important that they know.

If you want to assert your leadership with your team, or to be seen as a leader when you present, then facilitate your presentation to make conversation easy and useful. Help others think through solutions that need to happen rather than simply restating the problems that they already know exist. This is true whether you are presenting to one hundred or just to one.

It can be as simple as asking your team for input. Instead of asking a question of a large group where some will talk too much and others won’t speak at all, why not ask the large group to move quickly into smaller groups of two or three and discuss the question for three to five minutes. Then, you can initiate a large group discussion. You will be guaranteed a better discussion, a more robust list of ideas, and involvement even from your most introverted team member.

Thank you for reading this. What do you think?

How to Present Like a Pro - Presenting to a blind person

When presenting to an audience where some of the members are blind, use audio description techniques. In this situation it is useful to begin with a brief visual description of you… “I’m Kevin, your presenter today. I’m sitting with a green plant behind my right shoulder and behind my left shoulder is a picture of sailboats as well as the artwork of my 6-year-old grandson. I have grey hair that my stylist calls ‘platinum’…which is why I keep going back to him!”  This sets the scene for them. For each PowerPoint slide, I begin by describing that also, “This slide is divided into four squares, in the first square…” One way to understand the impact is to find a movie with “audio description” where a narrator fills in the action with words in between the dialog. This will help you get ideas that you can then use. For virtual presentations, most blind audience members are able to use the chat function easily with their adaptive software.

How to Present Like a Pro - The ATEM-mini

Keep your PowerPoint to a minimum, if at all. Do you really need it? Is it essential? Does it have to be that fancy? Would a word do instead? Or an image? When we present live, we have the PowerPoint as an added resource to the audience also seeing us in full view. On Zoom and other platforms, we are often reduced to a postage stamp image unless the audience knows how to make us bigger. I learned from Brian Walter to use an ATEM-mini which is a device that allows me to move seamlessly back and forth between my video and my slides. I don’t have to share the screen, I am never a postage stamp image, and it allows me to pick and choose my slides, which is helpful when I realize in the moment that they are out of order!

How to Present Like a Pro - Chat Box Waterfall

Initial interaction is easy if you make it so. If you are in person, it is easy to meet and greet ahead of your presentation. On Zoom you have faces just staring at you, not to mention babies, dogs, cats…or sometimes only the ceiling fan.

A “Chat Box Waterfall” is a great way to get everyone on record, to get them contributing. I learned it from Caelan Huntress and it works every time. Ask a simple question then say the following: “I’d like you to go to the chat box and I’ll give you 60 seconds to type your answer to this question but don’t hit enter until I tell you to…” There is always one who hits enter straight away (of course!) but when at the 60 second mark you say “Hit enter!” you will see a ‘waterfall’ of contributions come in. Then all you have to do is say, “Let’s take a moment and review these” and then as the host you find someone’s entry and ask “Bob, can you tell us about yours? Then when you are finished call on the next person” After a few of these you can say, “Jane tell us about yours and then send it back to me.” This is a guaranteed involvement technique that will forever end the agonizing silence accompanying, “Anyone have any ideas?”

How to Present Like a Pro - When it's all over

How do you handle comments after your presentation? When people come up and thank you, consider saying: “I appreciate you saying that. What did you like/notice/appreciate the most?” That will quickly get to the essentials of what they are taking away, which commonly is less about what you said and more about what they got. This is terrific feedback for us!

Also, whenever you finish any presentation, however short, ask yourself: “What did I do well and what is one thing I might consider doing a bit differently next time?” We can only build on our strengths so don’t be the hardest judge of all.

How to Present Like a Pro - 3 key questions

The audience has a key question on their mind: “Can you help me solve my problem?” Followed closely by “Can you improve my condition?” And of course, the ever-popular silent audience question, “So what?” These are rarely spoken out loud, but they are front and center within the minds of those staring at you. Make sure your presentation clearly answers these questions and you’re on to a winner!

How to Present Like a Pro - The rugby move

In rugby the ball is tossed backwards as the player moves forward. Keep this in mind and get your audience interacting with each other not just with you. In an earlier post I mentioned the ‘@Lester Holt technique’ where his correspondents send the story back to him by using his name with a question mark after it. That is a rugby move. Another might be you, as the presenter, saying: “Jack give us your thoughts then you can send it to Amy and she will send it to Sharita.” Before Sharita begins, you say: “After Sharita we’ll go to Sam, Agim, and finally to Lilibet.” This allows some preparation for a quieter, more reserved audience. Pulling names out of hat works too!

How to Present Like a Pro - Script the smiles

Always have someone else introduce you with the script you have written for them. On Zoom make it short and sweet…in person a little longer is OK. Audiences do not need to know the companies you have worked for, how much other audiences loved you, or how much this audience will love you. Yikes! Have the script say who you are, a bit about your qualifications, and then something personal that adds a bit of fun. Mine says that “Kevin’s lifelong goal is to ride horses bareback though he has not yet found a horse with the same goal.” You ought to see the smiles and hear the questions I get on that one! We want a smiling audience when we begin, not a bored one.

How to Present Like a Pro - Elegant Simplicity

Keep it simple! Even, actually ESPECIALLY, when the material is exceedingly complex. Never ‘dumb things down’ but always go for ‘elegant simplicity.’ The goal here is to get to the heart of the matter and to create a memory of its essential elements. Often using complicated or unreadable spreadsheets and wiz-bang graphics can hide our essential message.

Dale Carnegie advises “Tell them what you are going to tell them, then tell them, then tell them what you told them.” Every speech, update, homily, sermon, even wedding toast or eulogy would do well to use this formula.

Making it look complicated does not make you look smart. Your one and only job is to help the audience leave with the essentials of the topic, not to be impressed by you. Work for clarity. If newspapers are written for the average person, so too can any of our technical or scientific presentations, especially if to a tech audience. Don’t mimic your professors, go beyond them. Think of the famous quotations you are reminded of from Dr. Mardy Grothe or Bartlett’s…they are wisdom packed into few words that the many can understand.