Is there a book in you? I meet so many people with valuable knowledge to share, and if that sounds like you, here’s my #1 tip for turning your expertise into a book. Watch this video to get started!
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Thought Leadership
One of my clients recently mentioned to me that they were striving in their coursework not only for information, not only for behavior change, but also for ‘performance-based’ courses. This may not be new to you, but to me, it represented an important word shift: knowledge, behavior, and performance.
My graduate students read to understand, we demonstrate to isolate useful behaviors, and we practice to get so good that our performance is second nature. Actors call it ‘muscle memory.’ A physician at Illinois’ NorthShore University Health System, referring to their trauma surgeons, said they had “such great instincts” honed over a career.
Perhaps in those times when you said the right thing at the right time, in the right way—even you were surprised by the outcome. Perhaps that goes beyond what you know, beyond how you behaved, and the ‘performance’ was the integration of it all.
Behavior change is certainly good, but performance—well, that may be something different and better altogether.
Steve Lowell and Jayne Lowell from Canada introduced me to three very useful words: Mission-Moment-Mess.
I sometimes use them for personal reflection, sometimes to frame a speech or a coaching call, often a set of choices for someone taking my presentation skills class, and always as a reminder that words provoke the story. Can you imagine giving a presentation on any of those three words and not launch into a story, an example, a person, or an interaction?
Even in ordinary conversation, we can probe gently with questions like, “What was that moment like for you?” or “What do you think drives your efforts (mission)?” or “That sounds like it was quite a mess! How’d you get out of it?” (or better yet, “What did you learn from that?”).
As I reflect on my previous day, I’ve found it helpful to just briefly, always non-judgmentally, and honestly ask myself, “How did I act on my mission? What was that special moment? And whew, how’d I get out of that mess (or what did I learn if I’m not out yet!)?” Of course, at the same time, I’m thankful for people like Steve and Jayne who remind me of these reflections with their words.
There is a classic Family Guy episode where the talking baby, Stewie, looks at his mom, Lois, lying on the bed and repeats over and over again, “Lois, Lois, Lois, Mom, mom, mom, mummy, mama.” He goes on and on... until finally, Lois acknowledges him with irritation, and Stewie runs off as if this was great fun. Anyone with children knows this scenario all too well.
At the airport last month, the scene repeated all the way through TSA, with a mother finally and exasperatedly saying, “What!?” after her child repeatedly called her. The little boy paused and then said, “I forgot.” Have you ever tried to get someone’s attention—perhaps not quite like Stewie—but over and over, only to be ignored? Especially during a job search, this happens much too often. We hear, “Yes, send me your stuff!” And then… nothing! We send a polite reminder and… nothing.
I wonder if maybe, just maybe, sometimes we are not showing enough interest in their stuff. To them, it may feel like Stewie has returned! Perhaps the key is to begin with a genuine interest in them as we are pitching ourselves. Get them talking about their career, their choices, their challenges. That will be a memorable conversation, which is exactly what we want—to be remembered.
Heart Surgeon Dr. Paul Massimiano MD from Adventist HealthCare White Oak Medical Center in Maryland said, “Patients are nervous before open heart surgery…pretty understandable. I tell them the important thing is that I’m not nervous!” Your job interviewer understands your nervousness, but really wants to see your confidence. Your boss also when you are newly promoted. Nervous for sure, but remember why you were promoted, you are good at this, as they say, “you got this”! Nervous can equal excited when seen properly.
As Dr. Massimaiano said after a successful surgery, “Every day is a new day, exciting. I’ve never been bored a single day in my entire career. It is a pleasure and an honor to operate on patients and to be entrusted with their care.” This is what each of us can say when we rightly understand our work is our mission regardless of our role.
At a hotel last month, where every worker was from around the world, all seemed to know their job as cleaner, wait staff, valet, hotel manager, and Starbucks server was secondary to their real job…to make my visit memorable!
Sometimes we are nervous at meetings, giving a presentation, when our job is on the line, when all around us are losing their heads! It can feel as if we are out of control, and we look like that too.
What if, instead of feeling ‘nervous’ you reminded yourself that you were ‘excited’ about what was to come? What if, instead of worry, you decided to commit with energy to the message you wanted to convey? What if, instead of attempting to please or placate to avoid a critical reaction, you garnered your confidence and your courage to say what you know you want to say, to ask the question you’d like to discuss, to move toward a long-awaited resolution deeply and heart-felt needed between you?
We can change how we feel by reminding ourselves of a word!
One of the biggest game-changers in my life: shifting my focus from just a To-Do list to creating a To-Be list. Watch this video to learn more...
The psychiatrist Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs, Alfred Adler’s disciple in America, often spoke of the difference between being perfect and being useful. He advocated in a famous speech that we ought to have “the courage to be imperfect” since we are, in fact, quite an imperfect people.
Reflect, for example, on the last time you had to present to a board or a group or your boss. Were you thinking about you and your PowerPoint or were you thinking about the audience? Perfect here reflects on you and your concerns; useful means you are audience focused on their concerns. And the audience always knows which is which.
I was recently reminded that the right people WILL show up, and they will truly benefit from what you have to offer. Watch this video to learn more...
Mark LeBlanc recommended many years ago to divide a paper into columns and simply brainstorm many (many!) words randomly. The columns can be labeled anything you want…I use adjective, noun, and adverb but you could use colors, towns, countries, etc. Then start circling combinations of those words.
This could be used for a book title, a new concept, a kick start for thinking, a vacation experience you never considered before…and perhaps for using your Thought Leadership skills in your daily life at work and at home also in the quiet of your time with yourself. Try it and then notice what is better or different about your thinking, your creativity, even that next vacation!
Even if you are the expert, the teacher, the author, the parent, or the partner, aim to be collaborative rather than authoritative. Yes, we all have our areas of expertise—economists, physicians, historians, and philosophers possess vast knowledge in their fields. But so does the window washer at O’Hare Airport, expertly gliding her tools over expansive windows.
When engaging with others, I strive to ask questions that uncover their unique insights. For instance, “What’s the most exciting discovery in your study of economics (medicine, etc.)?” or “What’s your secret to cleaning windows so efficiently?” (Wrist action and a special formula in the bucket!) Even if I think I know, it's better to let them teach me than to act like a know-it-all.
When you are the expert in the room, avoid acting as if you are. Instead, combine, collaborate, cooperate, and connect with others’ expertise. They may have knowledge beyond our own. As authors learn while writing, “Writing a novel is like driving at night. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you know there’s a destination you’ll reach sooner or later.”
By fostering a spirit of collaboration, we can enrich our understanding and build stronger connections.
Bob Powers, one of my late professors from what is now Adler University, once advised us aspiring counselors to play the “dumb nut” to encourage deeper thinking in others. Reflecting on this advice many years later, I realize how asking seemingly obvious questions can stimulate thoughtful discussions for both parties. Simple inquiries like, “Can you tell me more about that?” or “I’ve not heard it put that way before, could you elaborate?” are powerful tools.
I recall a flight to Los Angeles where a man told me about his son, who played college football on the East Coast. He said, “My wife and I attend every game so we will be there when he gets hurt!” Surprised, I asked, “You expect him to get hurt?” He explained, “Football is a very violent sport, Kevin.” Knowing little about football, I inquired further, “What position does he play?” When he said, “Quarterback,” I asked, “Is that the one who throws the ball?” He looked at me incredulously and replied, “You have no idea about the game, do you?” I admitted, “Nope!”
He then pulled out his iPhone, and for the next hour, we watched his son’s game as he taught me more about football than I ever knew. It dawned on me later that we weren’t just watching a football game; he was sharing baby pictures of his grown-up son. This experience underscored the value of asking basic questions to unlock deeper connections and understanding.
Nido R. Qubein, President of High Point University is a master of the language that cuts through complexity to clarity. To help us focus he uses word pairing to teach. The difference between training and education for example. Or the difference between success and significance, fortune or fame.
What for you might be two words that have special meaning? Surviving or thriving? Work or career? Managing or leading? Self or other? Funeral or Celebration of this life well lived?
One of my favorites comes from Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs (1897-1972) the famous Chicago psychiatrist. “I listen to the tongue in the shoe not the tongue in the mouth. Feet only point in one direction; words can go anywhere!”
The best word pairings come not from Nido or Dr. Drekurs or from me…but from your own thoughts sometimes leading up to action.
My friend Derek Arden has a saying he uses as he looks into the air or deeply into the Zoom screen with this simple phrase, “That’s quite brilliant, isn’t it?” Whenever he says that I feel a bit smarter! Even when he says it about someone else! Perhaps he is on to something commenting on ‘brilliance’ the illumined light that helps see into the shadows.
Recently I was speaking to a group of physician leaders and I commented on being a “responsive” leader. David Dull came up with a better word, “How about ‘responding’ leader?” His contribution made me think. Responsive describes, responding is an action. Nice! Brilliant, actually! If we look for it perhaps, we too can see it. Quite brilliant, yes?
Sometimes in life we take 3 steps forward and 2 steps back. Those 2 steps back are critical for our next step forward as they offer valuable lessons and growth opportunities. Watch this video to learn more and let me know in the comments what lessons you have learned from your steps back?
Taking time at the end of a meeting to reflect on everyone's key takeaways fosters true team learning. Each member will remember different key moments, enriching the collective understanding. Watch this video to learn more...
What are the well-known sayings in your industry that create a bond between you and your colleagues? In the healthcare industry, I've noticed a particularly impactful one. Watch this video to learn more!
Approach every conversation with the mindset that you know nothing, and let your curiosity lead the way. Asking insightful questions not only helps you learn more but also encourages deeper, more meaningful discussions and can uncover valuable insights. Watch this video to learn more!
I recently enjoyed a vacation with my sons, which highlighted the invaluable benefits of genuine face-to-face time. If you're seeking ways to deepen conversations with your partner, children, parents, or friends, I recommend exploring the Proust Questionnaire. It's a fantastic tool for sparking meaningful dialogue. Check out the link in the comments for more details and watch this video to learn how it can transform your interactions.
In a world where opinions seem to dominate every conversation, how about we try something different? Let's be the individuals who prioritize understanding over asserting, who ask the questions rather than rushing to provide the answers. Imagine the impact we could make by choosing to be voices of kindness, seeking to comprehend every perspective. Watch this video to learn more...