I was with some physicians recently and one, a vascular surgeon, had to leave early. He’d been a big personality for the beginning of the meeting, a fun participant that all professional speakers love to have in their audience. He came up to me at the break and looked at me with deeply sad eyes and said, “I have to go to the hospital to amputate a leg.” And then after a short pause, he continued, “I hate this part of my job.”

I felt for him and wished him well. He then left quickly head down, no big personality now. Had we had the time to talk, I would likely have paraphrased, empathized, and perhaps been curious about this part of his work with some gentle questions allowing him room to process “This part of my job.”

An anesthesiologist at the same meeting loved his job because “I always win.” A family doc said, “I love seeing all the generations, I get to see them all.” Each physician responded to my question about their specialty and I always followed up with, “Do you still like it?” I get the inner part of their name and their noun (the specialty) with an extensional question meant to convey that I know there are some challenges associated with being a physician today. It tends to create a quick bond. One responded to me, “Oh you know it’s not like they told me it would be in medical school.”

How about your KOL? What do they really like about their work? Or really don’t like about their work? Sometimes after the “Hello” and the “How are you?” kinds of pleasantries, we may have a moment to say, “I don’t think I ever asked you this question and I thought of you last night. OK to ask you before we dive in?” I always get an affirmative response. And then some variation of:

·        Do you still like this work?
·        What’s the most satisfying part of this work for you?
·        What’s it like to have a patient who just doesn’t quite fit the pattern of your other patients?
·        Did med school prepare you for this?! (this can be a question or an exclamation!)

Of course you must pick the right time, right place, right KOL to extend this invitation to talk, but in my experience some of them want to talk to a receptive ear. Much of their day like ours is on automatic. This can be a reflective set of moments to create that human (and memorable) connection. This conversation will not be forgotten (by either of you).

And don’t worry if they disregard it, they won’t remember!