Ask First

When we dive into conversations, it's tempting to jump in with our thoughts and solutions. But here's a powerful approach I've been practicing: Ask First!

Before sharing your ideas, take a moment to ask questions. This simple step can transform your interactions. It helps you gather more information, truly understand the other person's perspective, and tailor your response effectively.

Asking questions demonstrates your genuine interest and commitment to understanding their needs or challenges. It creates a space where both parties feel heard and valued, fostering stronger connections and more meaningful conversations.

Next time you’re in a discussion, pause and ask. You might be surprised by how much more insightful and productive your conversations become!

What are some of your favorite questions to ask in a conversation? Share below and let's learn from each other's approaches!

Show up and ask

This series is about the “Unarticulated Question” - the concerns the all audience members or meeting attendees have but don't always tell the presenter about.

In Pharma, Medical Science Liaisons (also called Regional Medical Liaisons) are physicians, pharmacists, and those with advanced scientific degrees working on the medical side of the business. Their job is to call physicians and help explain the science behind the drug their company makes, to answer questions, and to listen to the physician’s concerns. This is a different role than the sales professionals (who are on the commercial side of the business). What I’m going to address can apply to both.

Picture yourself in front of a busy physician who is giving you 5-15 minutes of time, to explain the benefits of the drug you represent. The old model was called “show up and throw up” meaning the rep starts talking and hopefully something will stick! But what if the physician is coming with an “Unarticulated Question” or specific concern and is waiting for the rep to get to it? Flip the old model. Try “show up and ask” instead. Ask what they want to know, ask about a specific patient that troubles them, ask about a vexing issue. Take the time to probe, ask and empathize, even though you have great material to “throw” at them. In my experience physicians are people like you and I…start by asking instead of telling.

Of course this applies to all lines of work; sales, service, wait staff to name a few. Some of you already know my rant about wait staff that begins the evening recommending ‘my favorite’ steak with me listening with vegan ears. One question would do it…one unwanted recommendation and we are off to a poor start.

What do you think about this "show up and ask" approach?

Actions to consider

Jay Colker's new book, 'Aligned Leadership', has given me a brilliant idea for improving workplace communication! At the end of each chapter, the book has a section titled 'Actions to Consider', which I found incredibly useful. It's a simple yet effective way to transform thoughts and ideas into actionable steps.

So here's a tip I'm excited to share: Next time you're sending out an email to your team, try including an 'Actions to Consider' section. This could be the game-changer in taking discussions from mere ideas to impactful actions. It's a great way to ensure clarity and encourage proactive steps among your team members.

Imagine the boost in productivity and understanding when each communication clearly outlines the next steps! It's all about turning great ideas into tangible results.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this approach. Have you tried something similar? How do you ensure your communications lead to action? Let's discuss below!

Introducing the "Unarticulated Question"

HAPPY NEW YEAR! I am kicking off 2024 with a series of Thursday LinkedIn posts on some short thoughts about what I'm calling the "Unarticulated Question." These are the concerns our audience members or our prospects have—questions that are critical to them, yet they don't actually come out and tell us!

For example, have you ever sat through a meeting or presentation thinking, "When is this person going to talk about ____?" This kind of thinking and questioning can dominate our involvement (or non-involvement) in what could otherwise be a great experience. On the other hand, imagine how you would feel if you knew the presenter had YOUR question in mind. We, the audience, would be reassured that they would address our question with the answer we are seeking.

So, consider this for your next presentation: As the leader, frame the topic and then immediately (within the first 5 minutes) put the audience into small groups of three. Ask them what question they had for this meeting. This lets them articulate their question, and it only takes 3-5 minutes, which you can then debrief with them using a paper chart…which becomes your new agenda!

When’s the last time a presenter did that for you? Have you ever tried it yourself?

Meaning in movies

This holiday season, as we all enjoy our favorite movies, let's engage in a little deeper reflection. While you're watching, ponder this: How does this movie mirror real life, embody a leadership principle, or reflect the way people shape their personalities?

Every film, whether it's a heartwarming holiday classic or a thrilling adventure, has layers of meaning and insight. Perhaps there's a character whose journey parallels a leadership challenge, or maybe the storyline offers a unique perspective on personal growth and development.

As you watch, ask yourself:

- What real-life situations does this movie remind me of?
- Are there leadership qualities displayed that I can learn from?
- How do the characters’ experiences shape their personalities?

Movies are more than just entertainment; they're a reflection of our lives, challenges, and growth. So, grab your popcorn, settle in, and let's find inspiration and insights in our favorite holiday films!

Praise vs encouragement

Ever thought about the difference between praise and encouragement? The problem with praise - "You are a great student" or "You are the best at this" - it's often easily brushed off with a simple "I'm not that great."

But what about encouragement? It's about recognizing effort and resilience: "I noticed how hard you worked on that assignment" or "I felt inspired by how the team came together when Shanita was in the hospital." Encouragement speaks to the effort, movement, strength, and faith in the person. It's even impactful in the face of failure. Think about Olympic beach volleyball players - they high five after every play, regardless of the outcome.

Imagine saying to someone after a great presentation: "Nice job, great speech." Now compare that with: "I must tell you how much I liked the way you emphasized the importance of nurses collaborating with physicians in the ICU last week."

See the difference? Encouragement is specific, genuine, and resonates on a deeper level. It's not just about what was achieved but how it was achieved.

Let's shift our focus from general praise to specific encouragement. It can make all the difference in motivating and uplifting those around us. Share your thoughts or experiences with encouragement vs. praise!

Give your job description a power boost

Ever thought about giving your job description a power boost?

It's time to take it off the shelf and add some punch! Look at your current roles and responsibilities, and think: What extra bullet points can I add?

By expanding your job description, you're not just sticking to the script - you're authoring your own career story. This is your chance to showcase that you are MORE than what your original job description outlines.

So, what are you waiting for? Start redefining your role today and breathe new life into your work! Watch this video to learn more!

Gift of Hope Organ and Tissue Donor Network

Recently, I had the privilege of presenting and facilitating a session with the Gift of Hope Organ and Tissue Donor Network in Itasca, IL. What an incredible experience!

This organization's mission is truly life-changing. They transform the sorrow of loss into a beacon of hope by facilitating vital organ and tissue donations to those in need. Their dedication and compassion in providing a second chance at life to many is nothing short of awe-inspiring.

As I left, the sky above mirrored the beauty of their mission - a brilliant display, much like their welcoming spirit. I'm honored to have worked with such a mission-driven group, making a profound difference in so many lives.

Fostering a two-way conversation

Ever caught yourself sounding like a sports commentator in meetings? You know, those moments when punctuation seems to vanish, and words just keep rolling out non-stop.

It's time for a little self-awareness check! Are you the one doing all the talking in meetings? Here's a pro tip: Try tossing a question into the mix and then... wait for it... actually pause for the answer! It's not just about sharing your thoughts; it's about fostering a two-way conversation.

Let's turn our meetings from monologues into dialogues! Your team will thank you for it.

I was heard

Thanks to parent educator Dr. Michael Popkin for this quote: “Democracy means you may not get your way, but you will get your say.”

If you lead a team, yes you can muffle them if you dare, cut them off, attempt to manipulate the agenda for speed…but you will always pay the price in their resentment, often silent and deadly, representing how disrespected they feel. A quiet team member is a dangerous one for you, for the effort, and for themselves.

This doesn't mean we vote on everything, nor does it mean that we all have to agree. It simply means your team members should leave any meeting with the phrase above all phrases in their heart: “I was heard.”

Playfulness

Recently, while out driving, I came across some amusing sights that sparked a thought: What if we brought more playfulness into our professional and personal lives?

Imagine the impact of infusing a playful spirit at work, with our families, and even in how we treat ourselves. Playfulness isn't just about humor; it's about approaching life with a lighter heart, a willingness to laugh, and an openness to the unexpected joys around us.

Let's embrace a bit more playfulness in our daily routines. It could be the key to not only brighter days but also more creative and fulfilling experiences in all aspects of our lives. Watch this video to learn more and let me know what you think!

The exit sign

Yesterday, a priest friend shared with me a heartwarming anecdote from his recent experience. After guiding a group of fourth graders through a tour of a grand, historic cathedral, he asked them to reflect on what they found most memorable from the 45-minute journey.

To his surprise, one young boy singled out the "EXIT" sign as his standout memory. Initially thinking the boy was being cheeky, the priest curiously inquired, "And why the EXIT sign?" The boy's response was unexpectedly profound. He said, "It seems to me that we're only in this place for a short while, but the truly significant part is what we do when we 'exit'." His insightful comment beautifully captured the essence of life's transient nature and the lasting impact of our actions.

This Thanksgiving I am most thankful for those of you who have made an impact on me, as well as those who have actually exited from your place of worship, your home, or your LinkedIn Feed, in order to be present to me and mine.

Happy happy Thanksgiving to you all!

Three impactful questions

As coaches, mentors, or leaders, one of our key roles is to unlock the potential in others. The right questions can be powerful tools in this process. Here are three impactful questions that can help get to the core of what someone truly needs from us:

1️⃣ "What’s THE real challenge for you now?"
This question cuts through the noise and helps focus on the immediate, primary issue at hand.

2️⃣ "And what else?"
This prompts deeper reflection, encouraging a broader exploration of challenges and perspectives.

3️⃣ "What do you want?"
A simple yet profound question that drives clarity of purpose and goals.

By asking these questions, we can more accurately pinpoint the heart of the matter, facilitating more effective and meaningful support.

Try incorporating these into your next coaching or mentoring session and see how they transform the conversation.

Capturing the magic

Ever thought of capturing the magic of your team's ideas during meetings? Start jotting down those brilliant quotes and affirmations your team members share.

Imagine the impact of sending out a quick recap within an hour of the meeting, highlighting these golden moments. It's a small gesture that makes each person feel seen and valued - after all, hearing our names spoken and seeing them in print is always special.

Yes, crafting this memo takes a bit of time, but the investment in recognizing and celebrating your team's contributions is invaluable. It's not just a recap; it's a morale booster and a testament to your leadership. Give it a try and watch the positive vibes grow!

The Power of Words!

Be mindful of the words people choose and how they use them. Each word carries weight and meaning—crafted by the user. This week, make a point of really listening to someone’s chosen words. And for yourself, speak thoughtfully, write with intention, and observe the impact your words have.

Do you always have to run the meeting?

Do you always have to run the meeting? What if you didn’t? What if two members of the team did it? One of my clients paired two warring members with a high-profile meeting where they were forced to cooperate. After a few of those meetings they became fast friends!

You really don’t have to do what THEY can do. If you're a leader, try this! Show up at the beginning of a team meeting with an inquiry about what everyone wants to accomplish, give some very brief perspective remarks, then leave! Returns for the final 15 minutes with innocent curiosity and lots of encouragement. Let me know how it goes!

The courage to be imperfect

Go to a traditional Montessori classroom and you will see a beehive of activity. You’ll actually need to look closely to find the teacher. They are great at fading into the walls, observing, briefly intervening, and then moving with grace and gentleness around the busy, busy classroom.

Could you attend a meeting with quiet attention? Can you let your team struggle with mistakes? Let the beehive happen and see then what happens to engagement, involvement, and the beauty of what Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs called “the courage to be imperfect.”

All of the great innovators were OK with early problems, errors, and even failures. Let your team experience the same as what the geniuses have.

The importance of words

Respecting someone by remembering their name isn't just courteous—it's a gateway to a meaningful connection. When you call someone by their name, it's not just a word; it's an honor, a recognition that they matter.

Watch this video to learn more, and drop your best name-remembering techniques below 👇 Let's transform every introduction into a lasting impression.

Don't take the lead for once!

As the leader of the group, the expert, the one with the experience it is quite tempting to weigh in early and often. It saves time, gets right to the point, and solves the problem.

Or does it? What if you weighed in last, used some words the others had used, responded to someone who needed some affirmation with a “Tell me more…” and even asked some “I wonder…” questions?

Of course, it is easy to judge who did their homework, who is the shining rising star, who is the pleaser, who shirks the spotlight; but what if instead of judging (in your mind or out loud) you simply say, “Isn’t that interesting!”

“And the reason I say that is…”

“And the reason I say that is…” I was recently reminded of how powerful it is to provide an explanation for your ideas. This small yet effective practice allows others to truly hear and contemplate your ideas before rushing to a quick 'yes' or 'no' response. Give it a shot in your next meeting, conversation with a colleague, or even when chatting with your spouse, and share your experience with me!