I was recently reminded of the importance of personal connection. Let me tell you about it...
We value others who can help us. We do not instinctively value those who are smarter, better, especially those who say that they are! We value what we value, not who or what they want us to value. As Nido Qubein from High Point University advises: we the audience members, not the presenter, are the value interpreters.
This may seem like common sense but consider how some experts treat you, your teams or their audiences. Some consider themselves as full vessels, filling up the empty vessels…us!
This mindset of how we approach others signifies how we regard and value them. This has impact immediately. Have you ever felt talked down to by someone? How quickly did you recognize this was happening? This is called vertical communication with the superior one on the top and the inferior one on the bottom. This was a traditional teaching technique for physicians in residency where they would be grilled by the senior doctor, often then leaving them feeling less than adequate, humiliated, or worse!
But the successful facilitator speaks on a horizontal plane. If I can get the other to articulate what they think, feel and know, then I will be in a better position to teach, discuss, and encourage with mutual respect. To do this however, means to give up the natural urge to be on top. Instead, it means you are willing to listen, to really hear, and perhaps to learn yourself. Fearless facilitators who work on the horizontal plane learn something new every day, even about the area in which they are the expert!
“Tell me more about that…” and “How was that for you?” are useful coaching questions you can apply in every day conversations to help people to dive deeper into what they are saying, and more importantly to fully think through what they are saying.
I really do wonder if the audience needs or wants another traditional motivational speech, either from a professional or from their boss. My experience with my primary audience (physician leaders and healthcare executives) is that they are looking for the wisdom within the audience, within themselves. I get hired to help draw this out, to provide opportunities for audience members to interact in a substantial way, and to create a safe environment for them to do so.
When we facilitate well, it can appear easy. Perhaps like watching a professional golfer take a swing. Is it really that different from my swing? Only in the outcome! What the great facilitators, colleagues and bosses do is use a set of skills allowing them to listen with a third ear, see with a fourth eye, and speak less than everyone else. They know they are not only the beauty of the swing of the club. They produce the outcome. The outcome that comes from within the others.
Let's talk about TRUST! It can take a long time to gain, but is very quick to lose.
On an airplane, a seatmate asked what I did for a living. I said, “I’m a professional speaker.” He said, “Motivational?” My response even surprised me!... “I hope so!” We both had a good laugh!
Think about the last time a presenter really helped open up a discussion and then made it easy for everyone to participate. For some presenters, it is much easier and seemingly safer to just keep talking. When have you felt safe in a meeting to say what you wanted to say and, perhaps more importantly, what NEEDED to be said?
Presenters, participants, and leaders who engage in these situations are courageous because they give up the traditional control of an audience, or of a team, or even of a conversational partner, and allow the other to talk, question, and even disagree.
While this may not seem like a big deal, consider the last time you knew that what you were saying was about to be challenged, disagreed with, or even met with a sarcastic or caustic remark. How did you feel? More to the point, how did you proceed?
Those who facilitate a conversation take the courageous route, a fearless route, not without risk of course. Opening yourself to a contribution especially in a presentation can appear risky since you really don’t know what the other will say. Focusing closely on the other person whilst putting your own ideas on the back burner can require great focus and great patience. Even when we allow others to talk in small groups, do we really always have to know what they said? Or if they were on task? Or what they said about us? It is only important that they know.
If you want to assert your leadership with your team, or to be seen as a leader when you present, then facilitate your presentation to make conversation easy and useful. Help others think through solutions that need to happen rather than simply restating the problems that they already know exist. This is true whether you are presenting to one hundred or just to one.
It can be as simple as asking your team for input. Instead of asking a question of a large group where some will talk too much and others won’t speak at all, why not ask the large group to move quickly into smaller groups of two or three and discuss the question for three to five minutes. Then, you can initiate a large group discussion. You will be guaranteed a better discussion, a more robust list of ideas, and involvement even from your most introverted team member.
Do you just say "thanks", or do you go one step further to say WHY you are saying thanks? Learn more in this video!
What a revolutionary meeting rule - are you brave enough to try it?
Ask yourself “IS IT NECESSARY?” when designing your next presentation. Watch this video to learn more about this top presentation tip and let me know what you think!
I met some wonderful new people at ACHE Congress this week which inspired today’s TOP TIP! Next time you’re at a conference, step out of your comfort zone! Introduce yourself to people you don’t know, because who knows what you will learn about them and from them. Watch this video to learn more...
Next time you're watching a presentation, think what YOU are like as an audience member. Don't only evaluate the speaker, evaluate your level of engagement, the energy you are giving them. It's a two way show and you will get out of it what you put in! Watch this video to learn more.
How can we benefit from a FORMAT in meetings and presentations? It worked for the old Western shows (does anybody else LOVE them?), and it can work for you too! Watch this video to learn more...
Let's talk about EMOTIONS. Paul R. Rasmussen, Ph.D., an Adlerian Psychologist, talks about validating and compelling emotions rather than positive and negative emotions. This is really helpful to apply day-to-day to help us find the JOY again in what we do. Watch this video to learn more.
Watch this video to learn how to get your audience engaged, before you even start speaking!
Did you know? I am qualified as a CSP (Certified Speaking Professional) recognising speaking excellence – an honor which less than 600 people in the world hold! If you need:
💬 a presenter who the audience can connect with quickly in order to engage them with the topic, the theme, and the reason for being together
💬 a presentation that is informative, interactive and will leave a lasting impression
💬 the audience to come away with skills, concepts, and action items that can be used immediately
...let’s have a virtual coffee to discuss how I can support you. I can't wait to chat: kevin@kevinoc.com
Capture the little things! This will help provide more meaning for you and those you are talking with. Learn more in this video - it will only take 2 minutes out of your day!
Today, take moment to think about what do you want to be remembered for in your presentation, or your next meeting, or a conversation with your boss. Take a moment longer to watch this video where I explain more!
Today, think about what you can do differently to what you've done before and different to everybody else, and how that might help you THINK differently.
Give encouragement! With your children, spouse, colleagues, even your boss. Say what you liked, what you learned and what you appreciated. It’s a real skill but helps to promote growth, and create a culture of appreciation.
There’s something I’ve noticed on the TV and radio recently that drives me crazy, and it inspired today’s top tip! In an interview (or any conversation really!) ask open ended questions, don’t go on to give options of answers, confusing and restricting the other person’s response. Stay quiet and see what the other person has to say!
Do you have the same problem as me, and find it hard when something happens in a meeting or a conversation and you need to say the right thing FAST? Here’s a top tip to help deal with this situation. Let me know what you think!