Today’s post is about the real you! Think back to our first meeting with someone we admire, someone who holds some power over us, who has some fame, or who could say yes or no to an agreement or a contract. What if this person was our ideal KOL? Warm, open, friendly, with all the time in the world. Would we then approach this meeting as an equal with the horizontal set-up in our minds? Each of us collaborating with our given expertise. Would the real you be able to be more comfortable, be able to be more open?
If you are still on the vertical, it can be a recipe for silence, a nervous laugh, or even a bit of groveling. Can you imagine the better set up? What if you were warm, open, friendly, confident, and not concerned with time a much as with a quality conversation. (In fact, a good rule of thumb is to never mention time, “thanks for your time”… “I’ll only take a few minutes of your time”… “I know you are busy today”… “I know you want to get to lunch,” etc.) The mention of the word ‘time’ plants the word in their mind. If you have set up the meeting for 15 minutes, you can say at minute 14, “Now I know we agreed to 15 minutes and I don’t want to overstay my welcome, so is there anything else I can provide (not “help you with”) that would be useful?” When the conversation is a good one, they will beg you to stay!
Therefore always use your time for a “timeless” conversation that has ebbs and flows (scientific exchange!) and is all about those two critical KOL questions: “Can you help me solve my problem?” and “So what?”
Of course, we encounter those in the system with authority over us every day. The system is vertical… but we don’t have to be! Even with our manager! (Well there are some exceptions!!)
The next time you are in a situation where you can choose horizontal or vertical, how would you think, act, and speak differently if you saw the other person as just like you, of course not the same but for sure socially equal? In fact, many in authority really don’t like being “up.” They prefer being treated in the same way we like to be treated: with respect and engagement.
As we’ve mentioned in a previous post, Nora Dunn from the early days of Saturday Night Live told my class one day: “You don’t have to please the audience, you need only engage the audience… And in the engagement, that’s when they will be pleased.”