Let me share some snippets of my expertise with you. I hope you find them useful and if you would like to chat more, just…
Viewing entries in
Enhance your presence
Ever walk past an exhibit table where the only thing moving is a scrolling phone screen? I’ve seen it so often, and it got me thinking. In my latest video, I share my take on how to shift from passive to present when you're at an event: how standing, making the first move, and having a clear, personal pitch can make all the difference. It’s not about being flashy—it’s about being approachable and memorable.
So, this time, let’s turn the tables… You tell me! In a Seinfeld episode, George Costanza relayed that every decision he has ever made in his entire life was wrong. Jerry suggests that if every decision is wrong, what if he did the opposite? He even orders a different lunch (“Goodbye tuna on toast, coleslaw, and a cup of coffee; hello chicken salad on rye, untoasted, and a cup of tea!”) which catches the attention of a certain someone. Of course, George goes on to successfully introduce himself as unemployed and living with his parents to a woman he would have previously considered out of his league. Her response with a warm smile, “Hi I’m Victoria!” So I’d like your thoughts… What makes people (or you!) successfully change? How do people make their diets stick? How do we finally decide to comply with our physician’s recommendations? What makes us change our parenting or spousing way of interacting? How do we stop being arrogant, jerky (same thing I guess!), indecisive, unquestioning, unprepared? What do you think is the key to change? Answers below please!
Thinking is often a good thing. At a recent physician meeting the CEO posed a question to the group that he apparently poses to his inner circle repeatedly, “Do you know? Or do you think that you know?” Two vastly different things. Both can have data behind them, but more importantly, only one has confidence and personal responsibility behind them. My editor says, “I’ve been taught from a young age that “think” isn’t as helpful as we *think* it is.” “I think the parachute will open…I think the harness will hold steady…I think I’m ready…I think I saw a bear….I think I love you.” Confidence and responsibility will win the day. Not enough data yet? Go get it…before you see the bear again!
“Think” is a sometimes not so useful word! Do you know or do you think you know?
I listened to an interview where the head of a grassroots organization had lost funding for the event of the year from his major corporate donor. There were finances, people, and of course, politics involved. It was a heated issue and could have been a heated interview, but I noticed an interesting response on the part of the interviewee. Regardless of the pointed questions, the emotions, the differing facts on both sides, he peppered most of his answers with some form of the word “respect.”
As he did, I noticed I listened more closely instead of trying to figure out who was right and who was wrong. In response to a quoted somewhat curt reply from the donor, he’d say, “I understand that ________ is concerned about ______ and, respectfully, I’d like to add/suggest that another way to look at this is _________.”
In another part, he countered with, “With my greatest respect, I disagree but I personally know this person (donor) is a good man with the best of intentions. I do wish we could come to the table and share a way going forward with respect and honor.”
All his responses were laced with value words: “respect,” “concern,” “honor,” “gratitude,” etc. In doing so, he came across as a reasonable man whose organization was hurt by this corporate decision, a decision made by a corporate “good man that I know personally.”
I came away as a listener who was not in any way involved wondering, do I speak this way when the decisions (and the emotions) get hot?
And one more thing I noticed in this 4-minute interview—the interviewee never used the word “but.” However, the interviewer did!
Instead of always pushing your perspective, try pulling ideas from others. Ask, listen, and create space for voices to emerge. Watch this video to learn more!
“I felt heard, thank you.” This was the response I had from recent interactions with two different people. I didn’t ask for the response and frankly, I might have passed it off as a simple “thank you.” But the earnestness of their first three words took me by surprise.
It made me wonder how often I may have missed this message before. I also wondered how many times I may have missed helping someone to feel heard, with my focus instead working to “solve for” or advise or placate or quiz. Those people may have felt better heard by their dog, cat, or budgie!
Making someone feel heard doesn’t have to be complex—paraphrasing and empathy are powerful tools for simple communication.
When was the last time you said to yourself, “I felt heard”—or better yet, the last time someone told you, “I felt heard, thank you”?
“Well, here’s my opinion about that…” Do you ever feel your shoulders tense when you hear that phrase? I do!
I’ve noticed I have a visceral, negative reaction to self-described “opinionated people.” It’s not that I don’t value strong perspectives—quite the opposite.
But when someone leads with “Here’s my opinion,” it often lands as competitive, rigid, or even dismissive. There's an undertone of superiority that can shut down meaningful conversation before it starts.
What’s the alternative?
- A thoughtful question.
- An affirmation of someone else's experience.
- An invitation to explore the topic together.
- A willingness to be curious—not just right.
Of course, this could just be my own opinion (see what I did there?). But I believe that in a world full of noise and quick takes, how we share matters as much as what we share.
As leaders, colleagues, and humans, we always have a choice: Do we want to be right, or do we want to be connected?
What’s your experience with “opinionated” communication? Does it spark dialogue—or defensiveness?
Sometimes, a light touch is the most powerful way to communicate—especially when the stakes are high or emotions are running strong.
Watch this short video to learn how a softer approach can create more connection, not less.
Ask those who know you best (at work and at home) a simple but telling question: “What do I do well and what is one thing you might suggest that I consider doing more (or less!) of?”
We do this at the end of every semester with our students at Institute of Pastoral Studies - Loyola University Chicago. Everyone answers everyone including students telling professors. It is eye opening and encouraging.
We are already noticing it and thinking about it, so why not help another by offering it?
· “Think of it as….”
· “Sort of like…”
· “It is as if….”
· “I remember this one time when…”
· “I once noticed…”
· “One of my professors remarked that…”
In your meetings and presentation keep using metaphors and stories to keep the audience in alignment with you, to keep them interested, and to turn your expertise into useful information.
One of my attorney clients said with some exasperation, “How many ways can I explain the term ‘negligence’?” To all of us non-lawyers it is worth the effort. Your audience will always be polite and nod in agreement but retain nothing! So, check at the end of any technical explanation with the simple and powerful, “I’m trying to get better at this. Please tell me in your own words what you think negligence is.” You will be amazed how clear you were…or maybe you’ll have some clearing up to do!
I was recently reminded how crucial it is to truly listen to the customer and focus on answering their questions—without offering unsolicited advice. Watch this video to learn why understanding your audience is the key to building trust and delivering real value.
Watch this video to explore the importance of personal connection and how it can make all the difference.
How do you show appreciation? I was recently reminded of the impact of truly expressing gratitude—it goes a long way!
Watch this video to learn more about meaningful appreciation.
Heading to your next conference? Resist the urge to stick with your usual crew! Step out of your comfort zone, introduce yourself to someone new, and see where the conversation takes you. You never know what opportunities might come from that first hello! Watch this video to learn more...
Want people to remember your name? Train them to do so! It’s easier than you think. Watch this video to discover how.
What's the REAL challenge for you here?
What's the real CHALLENGE for you here?
What's the real challenge for YOU here?
Did you notice how the emphasis changes the meaning entirely? How we deliver our words can shift someone’s perspective—or even our own. Sometimes, the right tone and focus are all it takes to unlock deeper insights. Watch this video to learn more...
I just watched someone transform a scripted message into something personal and engaging—it was fascinating to see! It’s a simple technique we can all use. Check out this video to learn how.
Are you operating on a vertical or horizontal plane? Alfred Adler spoke about superiority vs. inferiority—challenging us to consider if anyone truly holds more value than another. When we see everyone as equal, we navigate life and work with a fresh perspective. Let’s aim to build relationships that reflect respect and equality. Watch this video to learn more!
Confidence is the key to truly serving others. It’s about believing in yourself, your skills, and the value you bring to the table. When you’re confident, you’re not just focused on yourself—you’re focused on how you can help others. In this video, I share practical tips on how to project confidence during meetings, so you can engage more effectively and make a lasting impact.
We often critique presenters, but what about the audience? Next time you're in the audience, consider this: How can you show up fully? Your engagement, attention, and energy are just as important to the success of the experience. Watch this video to learn more and let me know what you think!
