Gonna

I am in the company of many of my peers who are “Gonna write a book someday when I get a chance.”
Are you ‘gonna’ clean your garage or basement someday when you get a chance?
I was a ‘gonna’ and still am plenty of times.
So, I was giving this some thought and would appreciate your take on it too.

I wonder if ‘gonna’ translates into ‘could’…if I wanted to. In essence an excuse to not try, to possibly fail, to fall and not get up. I can, then, tell myself that I’m OK, perhaps superior, and certainly have all the good motives I know I have.

Like our kids who don’t do their homework: “I could do it, I just don’t want to.” And therefore, like me and a few others we are never put to the test hiding behind our ‘gonna.’

I teach physician leaders what they did not teach in medical school: executive presence, presenting to executives, and leading teams of their former peers.

Your Mysterious Boss

Your mysterious boss.
Distant? Cold? Calculating? Much older? Much younger?
What is going on here?

The only real way to understand this very important person in your work life is to actually engage with them. Most leaders won’t ignore a direct, sincere ask like:
“I’m looking for some mentoring; do you have time on your schedule?”

Go in with an aspiration you’re working toward or a challenge you’re navigating. Then gently explore how they got to where they are, not in an obvious or intrusive way, but in a way that connects to your conversation. There’s always a story inside them. I wonder what it is.

I teach team members how to productively interact with leaders who are significantly older or younger than they are, not the typical ‘generational’ stereotyping method but one built on the skills of successful human relations.

How Long Have You Been Doing This? (Do You Like It?)

In an airport elevator, I asked a pilot my usual travel‑day question: “Headed somewhere glamorous?”
He laughed and said, “Des Moines.”
I asked how long he’d been flying, and then whether he still liked it. He paused.
“I like flying. I don’t like everything that surrounds it. But when I’m in the cockpit, that is still fun.”

I hear the same thing from my physician and nurse clients. They genuinely like their specialty. They like taking care of us. That’s not what burns them out. It’s everything around the work like the pressure, the systems, the noise.

How about you? What surrounds your passion?
Because if we’re not careful, that is what wears us down.

I teach professionals how to minimize the risk of burnout and maximize the rewarding part of their work: doctors, nurses, pharmacists, attorney—professionals promoted to lead teams of their former peers.

Tell Me About Your Name

There are so many wonderful and different names these days. When I come across a name I don’t recognize, I often ask, “Tell me about your name.” What follows is usually a rich discussion of family history, culture, meaning, and symbolism.

Carnegie famously said that the most important word to anyone is their name. And within a name there is often a family elder, respect for an important someone, a mother’s hope, or even a nod to a 70s or 80s television character.

One nurse once said, “My name is Jenny, just like the millions who watched that show back then!” Even so-called “ordinary” names are worth exploring. One “John” told me he had no idea where his name came from, but he said he was going to ask his mother that night.

I teach team members how to productively interact with leaders who are significantly older or younger than they are, not the typical ‘generational’ stereotyping method but one built on the skills of successful human relations.

Do You Smile?

Do you smile? I mean, do you intentionally smile? Not a constant, silly smile, just an outward expression of connection.

Think about your favorite fast-food place. Do you look at the menu first as you order with a common “Gimme a _____,” and then look at the server or cashier? What if, as you walked up, your first intention was eye contact, then a greeting, then the menu…followed again by eye contact and a thank you?

And even more so at work, especially if you work in a busy people, people, people place. Rather than looking down at your phone, what if you decided intentionally to be a bright, connective spot in someone’s day?

After service on a plane, I always intentionally go to the galley and make eye contact with the flight attendant, smile, and engage with pretty much the same words every time: “Thank you for your service today,” followed by, “How long have you been doing this?”

What comes next is the fun and informative part. Every story is different…and few people will initiate or truly listen. It’s memorable for both.

Work in a hospital? Coming to and from your health club? Now, I’m not recommending this everywhere! There are times, such as on a subway or bus, for example, when people prefer an anonymous seat. But in those places where we pass those we know, work near, or order a meal from…look up. Eye contact. Smile. A greeting.

I teach physician leaders what they did not learn in medical school: executive presence, presenting to executives, and leading teams of their former peers.

Vulnerability is a Teacher to Us All

Hope may not be a strategy, but it is the dominant reason we all come to our healthcare providers. Yes, we have specific complaints yet lingering underneath is that hope that it can be overcome. We hope the physician has a solution. We hope that the nurse will console us. We hope. Some will call it a prayer. Others may use their breathing techniques. Some will openly ask ‘the question’ on their minds and others quietly wondering if they should risk the answer. When I visit patients at the hospital in a kind of chaplain-like capacity, I find myself being more and more aware of the hope they long for with each person entering the room. I see it in their eyes even if not in their words. Vulnerability is a teacher to us all. Hope is OK. It makes us aware of our need for what others can provide for us in our time of need.

Is coaching right for you—or your clients?

I’m looking forward to presenting at the upcoming NASAP: North American Society of Adlerian Psychology Annual Conference on Friday, May 29th in Minneapolis alongside Pascale Brady for a dynamic session:

Live Coaching: A Demo and an Interview to Help You Determine if Coaching is for YOU!

In this interactive session, we’ll offer a live coaching demonstration followed by an engaging, “Larry King–style” interview that explores:

• What professional coaching really is

• How coaching differs from therapy, mentoring, and consulting

• How Adlerian principles like encouragement, purpose, equality, and social interest come alive in the coaching process

If you’re curious about coaching as a personal or professional pathway, I’d be glad for you to join us.

Navigating the Shift from Peer to Leader

Leading a team of your former peers requires fewer yeses—and a lot more no’s—than before. A friend who was recently promoted put it perfectly:

“I went from we and us to them and they overnight.”

Yes, a promotion may bring recognition, status, and compensation—but it also brings a different kind of responsibility. As Spider-Man reminds us, “With great power comes great responsibility.” That responsibility often shows up in unexpected ways: how we socialize, who we confide in, what we promise, how freely we offer opinions, and the kind of advice we give.

Once promoted, we are peers no more. And while expectations from those who promoted us are high, they are often exceeded by the expectations of those we now lead.

• What do they want?

• What do they need?

• Who do you need to be for them?

Do you know someone who’s made this transition well? What did they do differently when leading their former peers? Share your experiences—let’s talk about it below.

From Routine to Purpose

Is this truly your routine, or is it rooted in a deeper value? Why do you do what you do each day?

It’s easy to fall into routines on autopilot. Over time, we continue them with little awareness. Instead, we can pause and reconnect with the larger purpose behind them: how it benefits us and others, and why it matters. Bringing our routines back into conscious awareness helps us rediscover their meaning and renew our commitment to them.

Consult Your Avatar

Some moments in our work lives feel almost effortless. You’re presenting, contributing, leading and something in you clicks. You’re calm. Clear. Effective. It feels like a wiser, more grounded version of you has stepped forward.

In a recent meeting, an executive described this as “consulting her Avatar.”
For me, it’s the inner expert—the part of you that knows what to do when you stop overthinking and let your practiced wisdom lead.

The key is not treating those moments as lucky accidents. They’re signals. They’re patterns. And they can be repeated.

As you watch this short video, consider:

• When has your avatar—your inner expert—shown up strongly?

• What were you doing that allowed it to emerge?

• And how might you call on it in the moments that matter?

Watch the full video and reflect on your own avatar.

Introduce People, Not Just Positions

Go beyond name and noun. When you introduce a colleague, say the name and the role, of course, but add the personal and that humanizes them. This is Sal — he’s part of our IT department — and what I’ve noticed about him with clients (often me!) is that he goes beyond being an IT pro: he’s an educator. He doesn’t just solve my problem; he helps me understand it. He doesn’t just fix the issue, he fixes me!

Me, Myself and I

Recently I was listening to a homily where the priest offered a simple truth: our everyday trinity often becomes me, myself, and I. That message made me think about how many times we center ourselves in a meeting or presentation instead of the people we're trying to help.

When we intentionally ground our work in shared values, both personal and organizational, we clarify what matters most for our audience and become more useful to others.

The video below explains how to get back to the trinity that actually serves our teams. What would change if your next message focused more on others and less on I, myself and me?

The Quiet Work of Coming Back

Are you a Lindsey Vonn? I was trying to wrap my head around the way she must process pain. And I wondered how she processed who her body once was and isn’t’ so much now. I wondered how you do it. This might be a good way to have a conversation not about our medial ills and issues, but better about our ‘head space’…how do you recover from disappointments, failures, firings, and not quite being who you used to be? Weigh in below please.

Dessert First

What if you started your presentations the way you start a great meal—dessert first? When you lead with the part your audience cares about most, everything that follows brings more clarity, energy, and purpose.

In this short video, I share how this simple shift can transform your impact and the way people listen from the moment you start talking.

Before You "Post," Pause

“Think before you speak is an age-old, often‑repeated parental reminder; now it might be think twice before you write online—then don’t, especially if you feel the world really needs your opinion.

I often hear others say, ‘In my opinion…’ and I wonder if the world really needs that, especially when it comes to hot‑button issues. I saw a message online: ‘I probably shouldn’t say this but…’ Yes—correct—you might consider keeping that one to yourself. Or the ever‑famous, ‘I know I’ll get some blowback on this…’ or ‘This may be politically incorrect but…’ I’m not sure the world needs anything that ends with ‘but…’

I’d be interested in what all of you think about this. When do we actually need the personal opinions of others? Chime in below.”

Running an Effective Meeting

What do you as a participant want most of all in your ‘regular team meetings”? Do you ever enter a meeting dying to see the agenda? Or do you sometimes wonder what all the others who are present think? And as the leader or facilitator go on and on, as you wander your mind, what do you wish they would ask all of us? Leaders prioritize the agenda; participants prioritize the check in. If you are running the meeting ask first and then again and a bit more often for full attention and buy in, that is the real agenda! How do they run meetings where you live and work? Jump in below and let us know.

Increasing Your Energy Before You Present

I recently gave a presentation on presentation skills, and there are two things I always come back to: executive presence and the ability to present to executives. Those two elements shape how people experience you long before they remember a single slide.

Most of us walk into a presentation thinking about our PowerPoint, how we look, or what we hope the audience will take away. All important. But there’s another layer that changes everything: your energy.

I use a simple practice that helps me show up with clarity and intention. Before I present, I write out what I want participants to walk away with. Then I write a short “testimonial” as if a participant were describing my session afterward. That exercise alone raises my energy and sharpens my focus.

You can use the same approach in your meetings, even when you’re not leading.
-What do I most want to say in this meeting.
-What would I want someone in the room, or even my boss, to say about my contribution.

Energy changes delivery. It changes presence. It changes how people hear you in a presentation, a team meeting, or even a family conversation. Try it and see what shifts for you.

Rethinking Comparison

I was listening to a physician interview recently and tuned in late but heard him quote someone else: “Don’t compare me to the Almighty; compare me to the alternative.” How is comparison going for you? I’m noticing with myself and with my university students as well as with my physician and nurse clients that the tendency to compare is all too common with pretty disastrous results.

Any time we compare we engage in ‘vertical’ thinking, someone is ‘up’ and someone is ‘down’. This seesaw of superiority and inferiority is not only bad for the diminished one, but also for the one on top too. Elite athletes may be competing ‘against’ someone or some record, but when they let their hair down the real competition is withing themselves. This is probably a useful way to compare but when we are in constant competition with others mentally, we run the risk of diminishment happening every day. “I have to be better than you, and you, and you. Simply saying that puts me I an inferior position every day scrambling for a superior position.

The Power of a Three-Minute Message

In high school, one of my teachers was a priest who founded the chapels at Midway and O’Hare. Despite being deeply spiritual, his homilies never lasted more than three minutes—he used a clicker with a timer and stuck to it.

It makes you wonder: how much clarity, focus, and impact could we create if we treated our updates, reports, or requests the same way?

Instead of talking at people, what if we shared the essentials… and then paused long enough for them to respond

?Watch the short video and see how a three‑minute mindset can change the way we communicate.

AI Can Support Your Work, But It Can’t Replace You

Have you used AI in your work? Consider using it in your pre-work, look it over, set it aside, and then write or develop your plan, PowerPoint, or meeting from your inner expert. Let AI remind you or help you break the barriers of your thinking, but beware using it as your expert. You are the expert the audience or the team or your boss wants to hear from. Going from AI to your boardroom presentation will look shallow and a bit fake simply because it is not tapping what the audience wants from you…they want YOU…especially your ‘take’ on things, your way of thinking about the issue, and your recommendations. Even planning a trip with your family…sure AI will give you a great routing…your job is the side trips, the songs in the car, and the adventures yet to happen because you used YOU.