Empathize! Sad, mad, glad, scared, hurt, tender, excited are seven commonly felt feelings. There are of course many other feeling words often nuances of the seven: devastated, scorned, furious, happy, joyous, etc. Lots and lots of nuances! When we listen with good skill-based paraphrasing and at the same time we pick up an emotional charge to the conversation, you are ready to empathize.
“You felt (try any one of the seven that feels right to you) because ____.” This formula is a way to convey you heard the emotion. Phrasing it as a statement instead of a question can feel risky but the payoff is so much better for the other person. Questions when we paraphrase or empathize confront the speaker with a choice to have to think and respond to our stuff instead of feeling understood about their stuff. It is as if we are on an expressway together; the question is an exit ramp you want to take, not one that the speaker necessarily wants to take. It distracts from their message. They want to talk; don’t make them think too!
So, this week…. “You felt (try any one of the seven that feels right to you) because ____.” Give it a try and be ready to be wrong or slightly ‘off’ and then do what the pros do…paraphrase again!