How many letters do you have after your name? DO? RN? MD? CPE? MBA? CRNA? MHA? NP? FACHE? Whew, some of you have a lot of them! And they do define a part of us.
A member of a meeting mentioned the following about a physician that was not present, “He’s a really good surgeon, but…” Immediately a nurse spoke up with, “If you have to put a ‘but’ after his name…he’s not that good!” Awkward silence began!
Do you know some terrific people who have those three silent letters, ‘but’… after their name in your mind? True or not, deserved or not, even perfectly descriptive or not, that ‘but’ after their name not only hurts them, it hurts you: how you interact with them, speak about them, and judge them. The old saying that holding a resentment is like taking poison and hoping the other person will die!
Our presence is fully dependent on how we enhance the other’s presence. Consultant Char Wenc advises, “Be present and have presence” and these two words are not always the same. One of my grad students put it a bit differently with the same meaning: “Showing up is not always showing up!” (It sounds better than it reads!) If we add three letters, ‘AND’, after their name then the fullness of the life of the person, despite their flaws, enriches us with full presence.
This week listen to how the word ‘but’ is used with people and ideas at meetings and how disconnective it can be. Or if you’re feeling really brave, see if you spot the possible ‘but’ when listening to a spouse or child wanting to go somewhere…now!